Wednesday, February 16, 2011

It's the End of an Era, Baby!

Finally!: yep, Lance has really, truly announced his last-ever retirement to focus on his family, his unimpeachably noble anti-cancer work, and desperately evading the vulturous narcs, and while all-American CNN's fan commentary, particularly in response to accurate reminders that yes Lance *has* tested positive no matter what he says, runs along the lines of "DON'T YOU DARE CRITICIZE ARMSTRONG THE HERO YOU !@#DAMN TRAITOR!", my winner for Best Line in an Associated Press Story goes to "He doled out favors, like stage wins..." What?! As I recall, he only doled out *one* stage win in *seven* straight years of making the superstars-at-any-other-squad of US PostalDiscovery his total subservient automaton beeyotches--to the only one who never did betray him with conflicting personal ambitions, the great (and could've been even greater) George Hincapie. Let's not rewrite history like Captain Magnanimous gave a !@#$ about anyone else's wins but his own--dang, even that drug-stoked freak Vinokourov, who'd attack his own grandma on Mont Ventoux if he thought it'd score him a win, never begrudged his boys their own glory! Anyway, here's a tribute to Lance: Oops, it's basically a video about Lance being a sore loser to Contador...oh well, best wishes to a true Tour champion anyhow!

Every Action Causes An Equal and Opposite Reaction: meantime, as Contador proclaims his happiness, relief, and yes, vegetarianism, the rest o' the cycling world's reactions are pouring in, with the Italians predictably enraged that the Spanish dopers are getting off, *again*, when their own cheats always get nailed(and they ain't gonna enjoy that it looks like marvel-o'-the-Vuelta Ezequiel Mosquera's going to get off, too), the Tour de France staying noncommittal on Alberto's return, and Tour 2nd or 1st place winner Andy Schleck, who first defended then slagged Contador, keeping, so far as I can tell, completely mum. But watch out, Alberto, bagging meat may not be enough: looks like some of those dirty fruits'n'vegetables have been on steroids, too!:

Sky's the Limit: over in morally-superior cleanster news, Team Sky's still trying to control the damage from recent admissions by squad leadership that, due to the lack of untainted talent in the recently-graduated peloton ranks, they just can't help but staff up with dopers to supervise their innocent riders. Well, if you want clean, Lance is now available! Oh, wait...

Gilbert On a Tear: finally, watch out chumps at pretty much every race all season on the planet, 'cause the season's barely started and the fearsome Philippe Gilbert is already on the attack at the Volta ao Algarve. Look for Gilbert to take off around 5:15 in to the vid: You go Philippe!

1 comment:

PJ said...

The videos are great! Grazie mille!