Sunday, September 26, 2010

It's Back to Business As Usual, Baby!

Escapin' the Guillotine: yes, both UCI and the peloton's resident big-name dope-sucking dirt-weasels can gasp an enormous sigh of relief now, as AFLD head honcho Pierre Bordry steps down, and, with no further fear of positive drug tests ever at the Tour de France--because we all know there was nothing problematic about, oh, a MASH unit's worth of arcane medical waste in the team-hotel garbage bags as far as UCI was concerned--everyone can get back to their micro-dosing and macro-post-race-hydration in peace without those whiny French narcs poking around. At least until they hire someone else who hates Lance Armstrong as much! Unshockingly, Lance tweeted a bitchy farewell to his (unsuccessful, so for my money you might as well shut yer yap about it while you're ahead)nemesis, and UCI head Pat "Dick" McQuaid expressed the fond wish that AFLD leave anti-doping efforts to the pro-doper rider-enabling hyp--I mean, the truly vigilant, as well as highly competent and diligent, experts. But we sure are gonna catch a huge number--like, maybe even three!--of those first-year riders you've never heard of again next year--take *that*, you utterly protected superstar cheats!

Spanish (and He's) Fly: meanwhile, over at the home of cycling's other rabid anti-doping zealots--Spain--faithful soldier/Caisse d'Epargne boss Eusebio Unzue is still mourning the egregious injustice that is Alejandro "Bloodbag" Valverde's doping ban on the grounds that cycling can't afford to "sacrifice its stars", but never fear, clean cycling fans: Alejandro's still keeping busy by training hard for the 2010 Cancun Cycling Challenge, which clearly makes the Tour de France and certainly that lame Vuelta look like a leisurely day improving one's tan lounging by the pool. Geez, look at that roster--I understand that Alejandro's desperate for anything short of a damn-hard messenger job to get himself back on the bike, but Basso and the Schleck brothers?

Cry Me A River: finally, Mark "Captain Diplomacy" Cavendish is sensitively sharing his feelings again (that two-week freakin' insult moratorium is over by now, right?), accusing some unnamed former-sprinter current-DS of actively forcing his innocent minion riders to sabotage Cav so the DS can call bull!@#$ and unjustly protest Cav's conduct in the sprints, which one must admit is a wholly sympathetic argument, because any dumb!@# knows jacking over other riders in the hot-n-heavy run to the line is what Cav uses *Mark Renshaw* to do. Sorry for that big ol' mistake, Mark--you may now resume your previously scheduled pity-party whine-a-thon!


Tusher said...

In fairness to Cav though-and he only moans just a teeny bit-Van Poppel and Cervelo do seem to have it in for him.

Rosemary said...

It looked more like Cav had it out for Cervelo in the TdF.