Saturday, September 11, 2010

Aaaaaiiiiiiigggggghhhhhhh! The Vuelta's Over

You *Suck*, Fate!: okay, I don't know who's in charge of this entire earthly show, or what the fabulous Euskaltel-Euskadi--and Igor Anton in particular--could possibly've done to offend the powers-that-be in the universe, but WHY must Vuelta race leader and eventual-winner-dammit Anton have hit the deck ripped off 3/4 of his skin til he looked like some gross science experiment busted his elbow and crashed out of the freakin' race on the very cusp of winning the whole show--what'd *he* ever do to anybody? Or, rather than being a giant cosmic catastrophe along the lines of the one-shot die-off of the dinosaurs, and the eternal forces of our world specifically having it in for one harmless bike racer in one harmless bike race over all the other things on the planet that might merit attention, I suppose it could've just been, y'know, a pothole. In which case, I don't know what the deal is with road-maintenance liability in Spain, but *some* jackass in charge of those whatever-the-hell-those-giant-roll-y-things-like-Zambonis-that-you-use-on-the-roads-are-called oughta go down in flames for it. Igor, of course, showed total class, issuing a statement on how wonderful his Vuelta was up to the very last moment and how he "lived a dream" and what a colossal joy and satisfaction it was to perform so well throughout, and, in a similar vein, both Joaquin Rodriguez and Nibali tempered the excitement of their respective victories with highly sporting wishes that it hadn't come about for them that way. Heck, even Rodriguez got stung smack in the eye by a wasp during the stage. No matter who or what is responsible for this craptastic crush-o'-my-soul--aaaaiiiiggghhhhhhhhh! Anyway, here's the miserable footage:Aw, *rats*!

The Next Step: first, if *I* were Ivan Basso, I'd be lookin' over my shoulder just about now and wondering if Nibali's planning a colossal Lance-on-Contadorian bushwhack a year or two down the line for total Liquigas leadership, but then, I'm just paranoid. Which Contador should've been, and look what happened to *that* poor bastid when he was all trusting! Second, though, even though it's likely between Rodriguez and Nibali at this point, in keeping with my grand tradition of losing underdog picks, I'm gonna have to root for Xacobeo's Ezequiel Mosquera or at least Cervelo's Xavier Tondo (in honor of dear little Sastre of course) from now on. How do you yell "allez allez" in Spanish again?

Another Plea to Universal Sports: hey--again--would you shmoes *please* stop posting the massive race news/stage result in ginormous type *right* on the login page for the on-demand video replay? Now instead of enjoying the stage with a wholly tranquillo sense of pleasant anticipation waiting for the favorites to battle it out on the final climb, I had to watch the freakin' thing with a gut-wrenching sense of imminent hurling waiting for Igor Anton to pulverize his body and his GC hopes on the tarmac. CUT IT OUT!

We've got Another Insult Moratorium Winner, and Enter Here to Win Free Stuff!: finally, our latest Insult Moratorium beneficiary is in, and Tusher, even though J. actually won and picked it, this one's for you: it's Mark Cavendish, baby! Who has, y'know, well, very handsome teeth. Jeez, c'mon already, first Menchov, now Cav--you guys are *killin'* me!

8 comments:

Tom said...

You're a better, stronger person than me. I could never keep a promise to lay off Cav for a whole two weeks. I'm not sure I could make it to the end of the first day.

Just for a rules clarification, if you say a nice thing, but it's entirely sarcastic, does that count in any way as an insult?

Rosemary said...

I couldn't believe it when Anton climbed into the team car. He waved and gave a thumbs up, but you know he couldn't have felt that way inside.

I can't imagine watching the race knowing that would happen. It's bad enough knowing who wins the bunch sprint!

Rosemary said...

So, can I guess from your last post that my daughter's photo with a Liquigas cap won't win any favors?

Tom said...

I can only imagine the turmoil in his head as that camera crowded into his space like it was run by a freakin' paparazzi.

It was so cool to see him calmly nodded and gave the thumbs up, when I thought he'd have been justified in shoving the camera away and flipping off the cameraman.

PJ said...

Painful to watch Anton down and out. He is so likeable and a great rider. Anton, Rodriquez and Niboli showed a lot of class, unlike some other rider we have known. I am impressed--favorably impressed and will follow these three more closely in the future. I am, however,now rooting for Niboli to take the overall in the Vuelta. Thanks for this post.

racejunkie said...

To answer a couple of questions:
1) Tom: no. I'm never sarcastic.

2) Rosemary: nah, I wouldn't mind Liquigas either--what's more fun than say Astana-like internal team conflagrations? But Euskaltel is of course matchless.

In general: I honestly knew squat about Rodriguez before this Vuelta, more about Nibali because of his Giro. I hope all three of those guys show us more in the future--like PJ says, class acts, and heck knows this sport could use more of 'em!

Rosemary said...

Could I possibly win you over with a blogging photo like this?

Anonymous said...

Hi there, long time reader, first time poster... Love your blog, it helps make the day fun!

Hmmmm, could I entice you to make me the winner of your competition as that way the cap won't even end up on a continent?? (New Zealand is just a bunch of islands in the middle of nowhere).

-lycragrl-