Monday, September 06, 2010

Dave Zabriskie: the Racejunkie Rider Profile o' the Week

Okay, it's a rest day at the fabulous Vuelta, and if there's anything less entertaining to cover than Pippo Pozzato whining that he's really not trying to evade Italian taxes by spending weekends crashing in Monaco, I've yet to hear of it. So today, a new and exciting feature at racejunkie: yer Rider Profile o' the Week! Our inaugural victim: Dave Zabriskie. Enjoy!

The Man: He was born in '79. He's got a gorgeous family. He started a cool nonprofit to smooth the ruffled feathers twixt bikes and motorists 'cause he was tired of getting whacked by cars. And best of all, despite a vicious theft of his stuff aways back, he's still got a truly bitchin' collection of action figures. Oh, right, and he's one of the best cyclists of his generation. Sweet!

The Palmares: geez, I could barely count the wins. Suffice it to say that if it's him, you, or damn near anyone else on earth against the clock, the one going down ain't him. 2000 Under-23 time trial national champ. Individual time trials at all three Grand Tours, and, not coincidentally, the first American to win stages in all three of 'em. Hear that, Armstrong? I thought not! Plus, he's busted at Sea Otter, the Dauphine, the Toura Missoura, the Bahamas, and for Postal, CSC, and Garmin. Is there anything this man can't do?

The Pundit: sure, he's been known to ask Alessandro Petacchi about his penchant for Star Wars, query Charly Wegelius as to whether he's ever had Liquigas, inquire of Stuey O'Grady if he's ever done kangaroo boxing, and comment on his bathroom habits on Twitter, but for my money, the man is truly on his game this year--he responded to the news Landis had popped in at the Tour of California with a cheerful "tell him I said hi," and, best of all, quoth in this year's Tour de France that "Jens for sure is one bad ass mofo." Right on, Dave!

The Entrepreneur: cyclist by day, purveyor of nut- and petal-protecting chamois creams by night--the boy is just unstoppable. What's it do? See here--heck, it even makes you sing!

The Moustache: finally, not perhaps since Franco of the Euromullet Pellizotti's golden-highlighted Samsonian tresses has the peloton seen such a sartorial, as well as cycling, dedication to furry perfection. Why should you care? Because somewhere, in this man's wholesome clean-shavenness, Van Dykes, Grizzly Adamses, and flat-out 70s Porn Stars, is the key, you can be sure, to the roadie, the time trialist, and to his sheer Zabriskian genius. Armchair shrinks--get to work!


Rosemary said...

Too funny....I was wondering if it was the camera angle, but the other day I thought he lost a bet or something....and only had half a mustache.

Anonymous said...

Indeed a good choice for the first profile! What cracks me up about the ToC singing video is how everyone else on the team just completely ignores him.....they're used to it.

Mary said...

Yes, I was also laughing at the sight of the Garmin team just walking around, completely oblivious to what appears to be extremely strange behavior from Zabriskie. I imagine you get used to the oddest things from him pretty rapidly and just let it blow by....

Excellent choice for a first profile!