Monday, January 11, 2010

Take That, Armstrong!

And You Thought the Maillot Jaune Was Cool: yap, I won another Grand Tour, yap, I'm gonna whomp Armstrong again this year, yap--what *really* oughta matter to Alberto Contador is this incredible honor from a Spanish bread-promotion consortium: yes, the boy's won a "good as bread" poll over a soccer player (I know, faithful readers outside the US, it's really "football") *and* the mayor of Madrid. Strikingly, there is no mention of this monumental achievement on Alberto's personal website, but then, that's just typical of our shy champion's adorable discretion and charming modesty. Try talkin' smack to me *now*, Lance!

Saiz You, Buddy: speaking of Contador, his babyhood mentor/Operacion Puerto supervillian Manolo "Who Doesn't Carry 60 Thousand Euros In A Suitcase To Meet A Pal For An Innocent Coffee?" Saiz has finally decided to speak, at least enough to say he didn't do nuthin', none of his boys did nuthin', and while we're at it, dear little Carlos Sastre's Tour win was a pleasant surprise. Well, at least we can be confident he's not lying about *one* of those things!

Breakin' Rock In the Hot Sun/I Fought UCI and UCI Won: so with UCI's denial of a Pro-Continental license to Rock Racing--presumably because they have almost as many busted dopers as, say, your random sample of 5 Spanish riders--two questions immediately arise: (1) how could they deny *anyone* with such stylish outfits the right to ride in Europe, especially when you compare it to the lame new RadioSkank kit, and (2) so what the !@#$ happens to Landis? Guess you might as well go full-on after that hour record, Floyd, at least if you can't find a better gig in a hurry--Michael Ball sure as hell ain't gonna have enough for you to do!

Jesus, Jesus!: finally, tomorrow is Alejandro Valverde's CAS date with destiny, and if Neolithic-era still-bitter disgraced ex-Kelme teammate/avenging angel Jesus Manzano's got anything to say about it, the narcs are !@#damn well gonna take him down once and for all. Y'know, Jesus, I *understand* it's no fun to get caught when you know everyone around you is doing it too and getting off scot-free--but how *exactly* is it poor Alejandro's fault that you were just too stupid to do it right?

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