Monday, July 06, 2009

Contador, You Spindly Nit!

You Picked the *Wrong* Time to Play Space Cadet, Kid: all right, Alberto. You're a great champion (however you got that way, and however much the dope-fueled playground that was your day-care center at Liberty Seguros still irks me). But you're still very young, and one thing you don't want to do is zone out enjoying the view on a windy day when someone with a creakier body but far more experience who has made no secret of the fact that he is here to win the Tour and is clearly ready to roll over your bony carcass to do it pays attention to the crosswind and comes in 40 seconds ahead of you on the line. Aaaiiggghhh! Of course, I'd be quite happy if, say, Klodi pounds you into the tarmac, but if you want to claim the leadership from the unbearable Armstrong once and for all you cannot let your current athletic superiority lull you into milch-cow-like complacency. Fine, you're only 19 seconds back of him in GC now, and you've got your spectacular acceleration in the mountains to unleash on the old dog ahead of you. But in the meantime, all your domestiques are in limbo waiting--and wasting energy--to see who's their true master. Just keep those pretty long-lashed eyes of yours open from now on, for heck's sake!

Silenced is Right: meantime, poor hosed Cadel Evans, already hamstrung by the weakest team a repeat podium finisher and clear GC contender's ever been stuck with, also didn't make the key move today in the crosswind, and if he or Denis "I Heart Doping Investigations" Menchov think it's gonna be enough to just wheelsuck from here on out, or even that no-one'll notice if they actually attack anyway, they're on more drugs than I thought Rabobank was already taking. So solid, so admirable, so frequently yawn-inducing--oh Cadel, if Andreas Kloden weren't so much *more* downtrodden, I might have had to pour all my fruitless ever-stomped hopes into you instead!

Money, It's a Gas: in general stupidity news, I see Contador, Armstrong & co. were fined a day's worth of milk money for failing to meet the sign-in deadline this morning, reputedly because, claims the team, they were so busy signing autographs and communing with the fans they lost track of time. Less known: whether Lance's taking coffee with the Hollywood glitterati caused the problem. Could we *please* take this sport out of the People Magazine hell Lance's cult of personality is dragging it into, and perhaps get to watch some bike racing?

(Time) Trial of the Century: and, it's onwards and upwards to the must-see team trial tomorrow, and given that Contador's going to have to prove to Armstrong that he can still put the hurt on him despite his colossal choke today, I'm putting my money on Astana, tho' I'd rather see Garmin, after Cavendish's whiny mocking wimpy wanking after the team time trial at the Giro, take out both Astana and the estimable, and clearly incredibly unified, Columbia. Come to think of it, since it took like 7 straight years of relentless subservience and stunning quality service by the great George Hincapie to the bottomless well of Lance Armstrong's ego before the latter even let our boy take a stage win at the Tour, I'd like to see Columbia stomp 'em as well. Go Garmin, even if we'll have to see Astana on the podium instead!


Anonymous said...

Maybe you should write this blog--the parts that Contador should be reading---in Spanish and posted on Contador's website. Who are his friends and supporters? Will Caisse d'Espagne come to the rescue? I am so stressed out that I don't know if I can bear watching any more of TDF.

randie said...

that would be kinda a good idea there anonymous. imagine bert reading this, i'm sure he'd get a kick out of some of it, and maybe learn something from other parts.
I hope garmin murder everyone in the team time trial so we get an interview with dave z, always entertaining.
in other news, i'm ridiculously excited for the team time trial, which, aside from paris-roubaix, is my favourite part of the sport.