Friday, May 29, 2009

Break Out the Champagne and Podium Babes, Baby!

Bas-so Close, But Yet, So Far: yep, it was a valiant if ultimately fruitless try up Vesuvio today by our humble dreamboat, who promises to be in winning form for the Vuelta but better not even think about upstaging Samuel Sanchez or anyone else from Euskaltel incidentally, but what I did not predict, though was certainly happy with, was that we love dear little Sastre would take the stage again. And to our valued and thought-provoking Anonymous who suggested that Cunego tanked this Giro because he's clean, please tell me you're not by extension suggesting that Sastre's winning because he isn't--there's gotta be *someone* left in the peloton I can respect. Plus, I'll, well, cry. Allez allez Carlos--unaided, thank you very much!

Robbie Baron: okay, I think Robbie "Head-Butt" McEwen is a coarse, rude, obnoxious, egomaniacal sprinter-pig. And from a purely entertainment perspective, particularly with the doubtlessly-retiring smack-talker-of-the-gods Gilberto Simoni on some twisted diplomacy binge and the outspoken Danilo Di Luca lacking the finesse to rise above the merely bitchy, I admit, that's often appealing. But I gotta say, I'm awfully sorry to see this storied speed demon end his Tour hopes--though he sez certainly not his career--with his sucktastic crash and miserable injuries at the Tour of Belgium. Get well soon, Robbie--I mean, if Boonen gets left out and Petacchi can't scam his way in, we're gonna be left with just Thor and Bennati to duke it out every day, and where's the satisfaction in that?

Armstrong Wakes Up In the Morning, Brushes Teeth: y'know, when a legal website is breathlessly reporting mid-stage that Lance fell off his bike, was perfectly fine, calmly changed his wheel, and got back on his bike, you *know* this whack-job Dear Leader zombie-eyed cult-worshipper bull!@#$ has gotten out of control. What's next, imminent-commie-nuclear-death air-raid sirens and blaring amplified shout-outs from low-flying armored helicopters that Lance just breathed in and out? Holy crap, July is gonna be a freakin' nightmare...

Some, Someday/We'll Be Together (Yes We Will): meanwhile, UCI,irked that Bernhard Kohl dared to compliment their bio passport as a smashing aid to well-planned doping, has gone on the offensive, decrying Kohl as full of it and promising, yet again, that they will come up with some really, really cool positive results on some really, really big names just about the time the sun implodes into a black hole and sucks their impotent organization and the pulverized remnants of our planet into another dimension. And, they might even say Valverde is a very, very bad boy by then. Oh, the deterrent!

French Letters: over in the Would-You-Wanks-Just-Let-It-Rest Department, I see the French are about to go all Interpol on Floyd Landis if he doesn't show up and testify about the ancient-history leak of their lab chimps' screwups in his sample analysis, apparently because, far worse than destroying someone's career and livelihood on tainted incompetent ergo dubious evidence is other people actually finding out that you woofed it. Not to get all irrelevant, here, guys, but mightn't you more profitably spend your energy making sure your employees can, say, read and write?

Hats Off!: finally, as the 100th Tour of Italy comes (almost) to a close, and as we reflect upon the lame-ified mountain stages behind us, let's take a moment to salute the flag and listen to the national anthem of the country whose denizens clearly designed said stages this year:

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Greetings once again from the aforementioned valued commentator. I'm glad that you brought up the issue of Sastre. I do believe that he is very likely racing clean, or at the very least clean-ish. The reason I believe this is that he doesn't gain suspicious talents. He is built like a climber, and he climbs well. He doesn't win time trials, nor does he attack day after day like Di Luca & Scarponi, never to pay for it the following day.
So there you have it; I do love & believe in Cunego, Sastre & of course the absentee Vandevelde - and I also love the blog, by the way. Oh, and i don't like Menchov any better than you do. He's suspect, for sure.

Justin said...

Another Fantastic post.

Anonymous said...

Just read all your posts on Giro...

Wow...

First of all, you indeed write very well!

Secondly, you're SO negative!

While I enjoy reading your analysis on the riders, there's so much bitterness and negativity towards.... almost EVERY rider you've ever written about.

Do you even like anyone in the peloton? I hope you're writing this way to be entertaining and are actually enjoying watching/folowing pro cycling. Otherwise, I'd really feel sorry for you!

And... things don't always seem fair in this world, e.g. dopers get to ride, strong riders have to be co-captains w/ others, etc.... let it go.. just enjoy the journey.

racejunkie said...

Just now caught your comment, Anon, and many thanks for the thoughtful criticism. I do love this sport--I find its beauty and power matchless--remember, behind every cynic is just a heartbroken romantic!

Cyclists I like: almost always the climbers. For the Tour this year I'd like to see Mauricio Soler get KOM. Hopefully my faves'll stop getting banned!