Sunday, May 17, 2009

Livin' On a Prayer

Can't Buy Me Love: so as Johan Bruyneel goes on about how Astana will be at the Tour de France in some form, and Alberto Contador trustingly continues to scope out the key stages of a race he's got no hope in hell of riding as captain in no matter how clearly past his primo Commander-of-All-Creation Lance Armstrong is even after that arrogant wank completely watered down the best pure climber's race in the universe to no effect whatsoever than to completely jack over Gilberto Simoni (wah, wah, collarbone, wah--not that you'd ever think to ask how he's done it, Lance, but didja notice how similarly-incapacitated and damn-near-as-ancient-as you Chris Horner managed to leave even Basso crying in the hills like St. David Millar at a press conference?), one cannot help but speculate, what the heck *is* gonna happen to the poor boy in July? Not to be a cynical depressive naysayer here, or to recall that despite feeling pity for him now that he's all oppressed I still think he was a dope-happy little pin-cushion at Liberty Seguros along with the rest of his grimy little cohorts, but I think this child is done for no matter how much he actually deserves to win (or at least ride for it) at the Tour. First, let's say Lance or his many personal sponsors pony up the dough for the squad--well, we all know who gets to call the shots then even more than now, right? Second, let's consider alternatives. Even if anyone else had the cash to hire you this late, which they don't, the best option among the serious GC squads--Caisse d'Epargne, apparently about to lose Valverde at least for this race--has, no matter how they yap on about giving your utterly underestimated BFF Luis Leon Sanchez another year or two to grow to Grand Tour leadership, an existing, in-house, and therefore cheaper, back-up. Help me folks, I'm trying to think of other options for him here--*besides* Chief Waterboy, you wiseacres!

Little Corsa Rosa/Baby You're Much Too Fast: mercifully, Pedro Horrillo's reportedly out of his coma and thankfully not brain-damaged from his monstrous crash at the Giro this week, but the boys still were too shook up or at any rate too extremely pissed to ride a real race today, 'til Cav got irked at the crybaby GC contenders blowing one of his last chances for a sprint with such stupid concerns in other stages as, y'know, not personally dying, and took the win. Not happy: the race organizers, who snarled the riders were a pack of mutinous hypocrite sissies; Pippo Pozzato, who frankly has more to be embarrassed about this race so far; and notorious tax cheat/Dancing With the Stars champ Mario "the Chest" Cipollini, who not only remains tartishly desperate for any adoration he can garner but also sincerely felt they lacked any dignity or spine whatsoever. Anyway, perhaps teh rest day will soothe some spooked nerves, and please, get well soon, Pedro!


Let's Dance/The Last Dance: finally, for those of you who'd like to see Alejandro Valverde ride one last time before he's forced to face reality and quietly retreat into the Jan Ullrich Memorial Pit of Cringing Obscurity, it's the bitchin' Volta a Catalunya, baby, and it's a formidable course worth watching this year. Good luck Alejandro--I still hope Samuel Sanchez stomps on you though!

2 comments:

Tom said...

I'm not getting how Contador is still bound by his contract. Or maybe he's playing nice because his options are limited. I'd love to see him bolt.

And, yeah, I'm sick to death of L.A. pissing and whining about his age and his freakin' collarbone and how hard it is to do anything more strenuous than roll his pathetic sack of flesh out of bed.

Race and shut up or go the ef away, Lance.

Anonymous said...

Many people are talking about Contador being the perfect fit for Caisse, with what's happening to Valverde. sigh. Hate the thought of TDF w/out Valv. But seriously, if anyone thinks Johan will choose Contador over Lance for TDF, they are crazy.