Wednesday, May 06, 2009

The 2010 Tour de What the Hell Are You Freaks Thinking?!

California, Here I Come--Not!: Is there a good reason why the organizers of the Tour of California want to tell every half-decent Italian and Spanish rider on the planet to eat it by scheduling next year's race right smack in the way of the Giro and the Volta a Catalunya? Y'know, I hope you goons aren't pandering to Little Lord Lanceleroy by scheduling it so he can use it to prep for the Tour in the off-chance he decides to crush Alberto Contador like a malaria-stuffed mosquito again next year, 'cause frankly, the old guy is gonna have to kick off (the bike, of course) eventually, and then what the hell was the point? And don't give me that crap about the weather, these boys ride in Belgium for heck's sake over the sleet-soaked cobbles of death so cry me a river if it takes the tropical fruit an extra day to ripen because it's mildly chilly out for one day in California. How dare you defile the Giro, after Paolo Bettini deigned to ride your lousy race?!

Katu-sh%@!: yes, we haven't even started the Giro yet, and if Katusha weren't already total pointless packfiller in this year's race with the absence of Robbie "Head-Butt" McEwen from the sprints, Christian Pfannberger has been suspended by the team for a doping poz just one day after sending the team a friendly note saying he was withdrawing from the Giro roster for "personal reasons," apparently because he, personally, is a low-rent, cheating spitwad. Aw, Christian, what were you thinking--*never* be the first guest at the party, if you'd only waited til an Italian came up poz for the Giro before you went on the juice, UCI'd barely've noticed!

Prince of Tides: and, I see Simoni's baby-bushwhacker ex-teammate Damiano Cunego is pegging himself a favorite for the race, which is pretty surprising considering his total karmic inability to come up with the goods since the Piccolo Principe's hype machine went into full power like 4 years ago, though I do hope he does well because his poor, loyal tifosi just seem so heartbroken whenever he proves, yet again, that he is--though noble is the endeavor indeed--a Classics man. Meantime, everyone else is swooning anew over the incomparably dreamy Ivan Basso for the win, and one of the really nice things I'm noticing about Alberto Contador besides his admiration for Ivan is how heartily he extends his good wishes to Armstrong to overcome that pesky collarbone and reign triumphant in...well, May, and that's pretty much it. Aw, don't worry little Contador, I'm sure that with Astana's current financial problems Lance won't even have a team to ride for in July! Oh, wait...um, maybe Katusha'd consider you for that newly-opened spot? Or, y'know, Caisse d'Epargne might be short a captain if the Italian narcs beat down Valverde..but then there's Luis Leon Sanchez to step in...Well, maybe one of the photographers'll let you ride on the back of their race moto--I mean, it's not quite the same as riding the actual race but you'll get a nice view of the eventual winner, right?

Welcome Back, 'Korouv: in other Astana news, I see Kazakh rock-star/erratic wingnut Alexander Vinokorouv is looking forward to completely destroying the perfect 2009 Vuelta with the foul acid-bath of his corrosive (if lively) returning presence, with the added bonus that he's gonna go for gold in next fall's Worlds. Gee, grab a trunkload of IVs, a couple of doctors of dubious credentials and swill-dwelling ethics, get ol' pal Kashechkin on his cell-phone, and Samuel Sanchez has got himself an actual rival this year!

Law Is A Many-Splendored Thing: finally, congrats and a passionate "in bocca al lupo, baby!" to the aforementioned Alejandro Valverde, who has decided that he's gonna sue the Italian narcs in the wild and astonishingly unlikely hope that he'd actually be better off getting his !@# adjudicated in front of the Spaniards. I mean, it's not like they've protecting him with all the gun-toting fervor of, say, Cadel Evans' formidable 2008 Tour de France posse, is it? Hmm, maybe I better rethink that...

4 comments:

Rosemary said...

Oh no! I love our family TOC vacation in February! It's the only time I get to wear my winter coat...and even then, it gets all sunny and nice half way through the week!

strbuk said...

If what you want to do is completely destroy your cycling race schedule it in the way of one of the Grand Tours. That way NO ONE will come, and NO ONE will care. Except of course teams like Rock Racing and OUCH (sorry Floyd). >sigh<

str

Tom said...

It's my fault.

Immediately after the ToC I wrote organizers (really). One of the things I asked was if the ToC would or could ever become something like an American Grand Tour and if it might move until late or later in the season to occomplish this.

While I never saw a reply (jerks!), it's obvious that my email had considerable impact.

This is something I DO want to see, but I think L.A. was right in saying that right now they should move to April, where they might for now serve as a tune up to the European Grand Tours.

I don't believe that American races and racing will ever be fairly integrated with European races and racing.

It has to become something all its own, on its own. This is somewhere it needs to go. They've just made the move probably a decade too early.

I'll write them again. They should have consulted with me a lot more closely. But, nooooo, they want to be big boys and try to think for themselves.

Mary said...

And now that Lance is apparently going to just buy Astana, Contador should probably focus more on his bottle-fetching skills than his newly-attained TT skills! :) I am so very looking forward to the Tour this year. And, while I love CVV and really want to see him on the podium, it would also make me very happy to see the ASO have to deal with Contador, Levi, and Lance finishing 1, 2, and 3. (Although, should that even be a possibility, I imagine they have some lab results laying around which can be tested until it is positive...)

Really looking forward to the Giro this year! Of course, my first thought about the overlapping of events next year was - how the heck could Levi defend BOTH his titles from this year? (as I am sure he will be dominant in Italy this year!!) Go Levi, go!

And, should we be at all concerned that Kloden has apparently quietly vanished? I really want to believe he was just taking extra Vitamin C and maybe upping his nutritional regime, while his previous team members were shooting other people's blood and other such nasty things into their veins. So, I'm sure that his absence from racing lately is just a total coincidence, coming along with the latest accusations of doping in Freiburg. And, I'm sticking with that until a reputable lab says otherwise...