Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Tour de GC Favorites' Web Sites

Nap Time!: okay, the ProTour is but a queasy memory, Pat "Dick" McQuaid is going nuts threatening the teams with...well, there's really nothing he *can* threaten 'em with that matters, Cunego tanked, and even Great Spanish Hope Alejandro Valverde hit the skids (and not to speculate on why he's blown the Tour yet *again,* but...), but seeing as it's an utterly boring rest day, and as I inevitably put my money on the wrong horse so to speak based on actual performance, I thought it might be lively to assess the fave's chances in accordance with the bitchin'ness of their personal websites:

Cadel Evans
The Message: the kind of boy you can take home to Mom.
Fun Fact: ummm...
Iconic Photo: check out his bikes!
Best Schwag: nothin'.
GC Forecast: no sparks, but a nice, slow, steady glow.

Denis Menchov
The Message: Updating websites is for weaklings. Check out a fan club site instead.
Fun Fact: starting from this moment he felt a sport heat.
Iconic Photo: pick yer pixels
Best Schwag: zip.
GC Forecast: get out of my way or I will kill you.

Carlos Sastre
The Message: He works hard for the money.
Fun Fact: Dad founded a cycling school to keep local kids out of trouble.
Iconic Photo: wee Sastre, already on form!
Best Schwag: on the fan club site, you can get a cute t-shirt with the Official Carlos Pacifier logo for 15 euros!
GC Forecast: this humble hardworking boy *deserves* the maillot jaune, dammit!

Frank Schleck
The Message: It's a two-fer!
Fun Fact: can't read a damn thing in the guestbook. Anyone?
Iconic Photo: the brothers together.
Best Schwag: a cool fan club banner with the boys' photo right on it to hold up by the roadside! Allez allez!
GC Forecast: too darn lovable *not* to podium.

Alejandro Valverde
The Message: I blew all my cash defending myself against the Op Puerto allegations. What the hell did you people expect here?
Fun Fact: Married. Sorry folks!
Iconic Photo: none really, tho' the main one's nice. Better off with a Google search.
Best Schwag: zip.
GC Forecast: so, how about those Mets?

Damiano Cunego
The Message: Rico, Suave.
Fun Fact: Distinguishing Feature: a Winner!
Iconic Photo: stop right at the home page. Oh, those eyes!
Best Schwag: didn't feel like schlepping to the Team Lampre site.
GC Forecast: who cares? He's so sleek!

Riccardo Ricco
Message: Bad to the bone.
Fun Fact: He's a Virgo!
Iconic Photo: How can you pick among so many of him crossing the line in victory?
Best Schwag: astonishingly, nothing with his image on it.
GC Forecast: !@#$ you! !@## off you !@#$!

Christian Van de Velde (nothin')
The Message: who the hell do you think I am, Lance Armstrong?
Fun Fact: how would I know?
Iconic Photo: there's some nice ones on the team web site...
Best Schwag: sadly, no Christian Van de Velde bobblehead dolls.
GC Forecast: surprised you, didn't I?

Okay Sastre, you're no Italian showman--but if we can all just forget about that little time trial problem, the Tour is yours!


randie said...

riccardo ricco is bad to the bone alright. little epo taking (insert multiple expletives here)

Anonymous said...

GC Forecast: !@#$ you! !@## off you !@#$!

[soup nazi]No Alp d'Huez for you![/soup nazi]