Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Tour de GC Favorites' Web Sites

Nap Time!: okay, the ProTour is but a queasy memory, Pat "Dick" McQuaid is going nuts threatening the teams with...well, there's really nothing he *can* threaten 'em with that matters, Cunego tanked, and even Great Spanish Hope Alejandro Valverde hit the skids (and not to speculate on why he's blown the Tour yet *again,* but...), but seeing as it's an utterly boring rest day, and as I inevitably put my money on the wrong horse so to speak based on actual performance, I thought it might be lively to assess the fave's chances in accordance with the bitchin'ness of their personal websites:

Cadel Evans
The Message: the kind of boy you can take home to Mom.
Fun Fact: ummm...
Iconic Photo: check out his bikes!
Best Schwag: nothin'.
GC Forecast: no sparks, but a nice, slow, steady glow.

Denis Menchov
The Message: Updating websites is for weaklings. Check out a fan club site instead.
Fun Fact: starting from this moment he felt a sport heat.
Iconic Photo: pick yer pixels
Best Schwag: zip.
GC Forecast: get out of my way or I will kill you.

Carlos Sastre
The Message: He works hard for the money.
Fun Fact: Dad founded a cycling school to keep local kids out of trouble.
Iconic Photo: wee Sastre, already on form!
Best Schwag: on the fan club site, you can get a cute t-shirt with the Official Carlos Pacifier logo for 15 euros!
GC Forecast: this humble hardworking boy *deserves* the maillot jaune, dammit!

Frank Schleck
The Message: It's a two-fer!
Fun Fact: can't read a damn thing in the guestbook. Anyone?
Iconic Photo: the brothers together.
Best Schwag: a cool fan club banner with the boys' photo right on it to hold up by the roadside! Allez allez!
GC Forecast: too darn lovable *not* to podium.

Alejandro Valverde
The Message: I blew all my cash defending myself against the Op Puerto allegations. What the hell did you people expect here?
Fun Fact: Married. Sorry folks!
Iconic Photo: none really, tho' the main one's nice. Better off with a Google search.
Best Schwag: zip.
GC Forecast: so, how about those Mets?

Damiano Cunego
The Message: Rico, Suave.
Fun Fact: Distinguishing Feature: a Winner!
Iconic Photo: stop right at the home page. Oh, those eyes!
Best Schwag: didn't feel like schlepping to the Team Lampre site.
GC Forecast: who cares? He's so sleek!

Riccardo Ricco
Message: Bad to the bone.
Fun Fact: He's a Virgo!
Iconic Photo: How can you pick among so many of him crossing the line in victory?
Best Schwag: astonishingly, nothing with his image on it.
GC Forecast: !@#$ you! !@## off you !@#$!

Christian Van de Velde (nothin')
The Message: who the hell do you think I am, Lance Armstrong?
Fun Fact: how would I know?
Iconic Photo: there's some nice ones on the team web site...
Best Schwag: sadly, no Christian Van de Velde bobblehead dolls.
GC Forecast: surprised you, didn't I?

Okay Sastre, you're no Italian showman--but if we can all just forget about that little time trial problem, the Tour is yours!

2 comments:

randie said...

riccardo ricco is bad to the bone alright. little epo taking (insert multiple expletives here)

Anonymous said...

GC Forecast: !@#$ you! !@## off you !@#$!

[soup nazi]No Alp d'Huez for you![/soup nazi]