Friday, August 31, 2007

May (Well, July)-September Romance

The Waaiii-aaaiiiting is the Hardest Part: well, Floyd Landis' loooooong wait for official news that he's been completely !@#$ed may actually be nearing an end, as reports surface that, well over a year after his initial poz testosterone test at the end of the Tour, his foreordained craptastic arbitration results may finally see the light of day 'long about the end of September. Hey, at least his near-certain two-year ban'll be almost up by the time the judgment's in! Meantime, the clock continues to tick on Iban Mayo's presumed guilty B-sample, like our beloved if tragically flawed fragile flower needs another excuse to wilt, while the lucky Andrei Kashechkin gets treated to a much faster confirmation of his homologous doping positive, leaving him at least with the certain knowledge he's fired as he takes on the morally righteous fight against surprise-party out-of-competition doping controls. Guilty as charged or not, am I the only one wishing poor Iban and Floyd *some* kind of release from this ridiculous limbo?

They're Heeeee-eeeeere!: just when you thought Astana'd gone away, at least in the face of persistent Gazzetta Dello Sport reports that Marc Biver has already made the decision to bail and most of their riders are either busted (you know who) or injured (poor Andreas Kloden, in a training crash), comes Knight in Tarnished Armor/ recent retiree Johan Bruyneel, confirming rumors he's been in contact with the team while begging off such pesky issues as his future and our voracious appetite for gossip til after he enjoys his weekend. Could it be that Levi and Contador have found a new home (at least if Levi has a burning desire for Johan to jack him over again)? Well, they sure as heck haven't at Slipstream, unless one of them is the mystery date that Jonathan Vaughters has been coyly hinting at--oh, spit it *out* already people!

Dopers Wanted: Finally, I see the Aussies are looking for healthy young men in prime cycling years to test-drive EPO, apparently to give a perfect road map to evading doping controls as they try to find the max you can take during hard riding without getting busted for it in a urine sample. Can we see a show of hands from the peloton? Hey, you over there in the...oh hell, who wants to enrage a pack of lawsuit-happy managers by suggesting some names?

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