Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?

Not Any of the Cyclists, I Imagine: as UCI strikes a staggering blow for impotence, irrelevance and self-interest, and against concrete action over any rider who matters, by...oooooooh, making the riders sign a statement saying they're not doping ahead of the Tour de France! And of course, to add to the pain, they're also gonna publish a list on the UCI website of who's signed and who hasn't. I don't know about you, but I were an amoral stoked cheat in the peloton paying thousands of euros to scarf stuff I know is banned, the shame of a lie-by-dotted-line and publication on a list on a website even the hard-care cycling fanatics don't read, plus the highly limited likelihood of testing poz for anything barring a grievous miscalculation by any given rider's Dr. Feelgood, will sure scare me off practices that could net me millions of euros in contracts and endorsements!

On the plus side, UCI's also asking signatories to "agree" to forfeit a year's salary if they're later busted--leading natch to the ridiculous possibility that one of my amnesty-post suggestions might actually unknowingly be adopted--though how that provides an incentive to sign without it simply being a mandatory penalty for everyone caught doping is a mystery to me. Frankly, could the pro-cheating (or at least willfully blind) among the ProTour teams have dreamed of a better deal than this?

So, between this exceedingly lame project, and UCI's outright acknowledgement that no-one much is gonna be barred from the start line no matter who from Op Puerto or Quick Step deserves to be, it looks like, Basso and Ullrich (and now Serguei Gonchar) excepted of course, we're gonna have a hell of a competitive lineup for the Tour, and if we're very, very lucky, maybe 1 of 100 users will actually get caught during the post-stage doping controls. Heck, why not just pick a solo scapegoat randomly this year, instead of going through all the potentially embarrassing lab-screwup hoo-ha a la Landis you might encounter during an actual test?

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