We've got the discreet pinstripes of Trek-Segafredo, and the black-and-sky of, well, Sky down pat--so who's left to spot anew on the 2016 roads so you can root for your fave or snarl at yer sworn enemy? That's right, the retina-searing visages of these guys!
AG2R: they're not bright, but man, they suuuuuuuure are ugly. Someone, *please*, remake this brand!
Lampre: by ditching the Rainbow-Brite turquoise for the less glowing deep blue, they've maybe lost a *little* of their Barbie sparkle-princess mojo, but that hot pink? Ya just can't go wrong, even without Pippo Pozzato to make it even prettier this year. The flash of neon green adds a lively touch. Shine on, boys!
Cannondale: if you can catch it before your eyeballs go numb, there's a stylin' tone-on-tone blast o' the argyle on this perennial trendsetter's team kit. Good luck blending unnoticed into a breakaway though!
Lotto-Jumbo: Bum-bum-bumblebee, Bum-ble-bee Tuna, I Love...aw, hell, no-one else is old enough to remember that jingle!
Tinkoff: Whether they're dressin' up like a herd o' zebras trying to confuse the hell outta a pack of attacking lionesses, or just trying to show UCI en masse that they're not riding quite as disconcertingly as that mono-pack of Team Sky freaks ahead of 'em, you can count on Oleg Tinkov's boys to put on a show. Let's hope they do for the Tour, too, or it'll just be that much easier for Oleg to spot 'em while they're running away!
And, a Coupla Bonus Continental Kits:
Southeast: look, Pippo Pozzato could wear a kitchen-slopped dish-rag--which come to think of it is more than he usually wears in his Instagram pics--and still look good. But this one he's designed--and he already seems buckets more excited to ride than he has in years. Forza Pippooooo!
Direct Energie: wondering how to find Thomas "the Tongue" Voeckler this year when his mouth is shut and you don't see the familiar forest green of Europcar? Yep, in these rather dashing duds from new squad Direct Energie!
All righty folks, that wraps up our 2016 Team-Kit-o-Rama--now no excuses for accidentally screaming for a Kittel over a Greipel, and let the road games begin!