Friday, February 12, 2010

Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow--Not!

Like a Schoolboy In Summertime--No Class: Yes, in an exceedingly early lock for the prestigious Racejunkie Tool o' the Year Award--and let's face it, in this sport, that can be one hot competition--it's none other than Riccardo "Captain Morality" Ricco', who ran shrieking and crying behind the team kit of his 'cross-rider fiance/baby mama Vania Rossi for succor and, more the point, protection immediately upon his pathetic doping poz at the Tour and has now, in her own CERA-suckin' hour of need, ditched her like a clandestine used-up nut-rank testosterone patch on the roadside. Quoth (roughly) our brave knight, apparently terrified that his fair lady is going to besmirch his unblemished reputation for noble fair play: "I'm disappointed in my partner and there can't be a reconciliation between unless as long as Vania doesn't show her complete noninvolvement in the accusations that were made against her." Classy!

Want Fries With That?: speaking of Ricco', I see his fellow former cheat-weasel Bernhard Kohl has at least decided to make *himself* a late-to-the-party asset to society by the wholly admirable venture of opening a by all appearances very handsome bike shop back at home, from which he plans to watch the Tour de France and, one hopes, provide a serious lesson on true redemption to aspiring racers and carefree tots alike. Ricco', I fear (tho' not without some pleasure, 'cause I'm soulless), will soon be relegated to the less glamorous among the full-time retail gigs by virtue of his sheer odiousness, in which case, rather'n manning the Fryolator in the local McRatEntrails, he might best be suited to scrubbing the bagno. Ah well, Ricco', at least you'll get to wear those cute little paper hats!

Thor Hushovd Is a God (No, Seriously, Bow, You Peon!): meantime, in a rather pointed, if inadvertent, contrast to last season's "How To Eat Your Own Young For Fun and Profit" Astana debacle, we love Thor Hushovd and we're-still-slightly-irked-at Heinrich Haussler have found a happy balance between their competing talents over at Cervelo, with Haussler further attaining coolness by complimenting Hushovd and Sastre for being effective team leaders without also being "!@#holes." All right, Haussler, maaaaaybe we'll all have to forgive you for woofing up the team time trial this week--just don't !@#$ over Thor at Roubaix!

In Memoriam: finally, tomorrow marks 6 years since the great, troubled Marco Pantani's death, and as we join pretty much all of Italian cycling in remembrance, let's recall just how truly fearsome he was on the bike:

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