The What the Hell is He Thinking?! Award of 2009; and, You Suck, Universal Sports!

I'm Going Off the Rails on a Crazy Train: okay, I'm sure there are perfectly good reasons for this, like maybe blackmail, or a coke-filled club crawl with some of Tom Boonen's ol' pals, or a truly sick amount of dough, that elude me here, but while it's a bit too early for the 2009 Racejunkie Awards,reigning World Champion Alessandro Ballan's got an early lock on the prize as he's left his career-long home at Lampre for a gig with...BMC? No offense, Alessandro, but have you gone utterly Vinokourov-raving-wingnut? Sure, you've had a crap virus-decimated first half-of-the-season, and I get wanting to spread your wings after 6 years of being forced to dress up like Barbie's colorblind glitter-obsessed little sister every day, but you really want to take the risk that your new squad--fine as it is, and it's had an admirable season--isn't gonna get an invite to half the Classics you want to race? And let's talk your stated reasons, shall we? You want to "learn English," and stellar talents Hincapie, Karsten Kroon, and Marcus Burghardt are supposed to be joining you at BMC. First, Kroon--who may, to be fair, be playing it coy--isn't even mentioning BMC in his realm of possibilities, so if you're bankin' on him being your new roomie, I hope you've called him first. Second, if you want to "learn English," go to Team RadioShack which'll get an invite to everything and just piss Lance Armstrong off by not kowtowing to his absolute authority--I guarantee you, honey, you will learn more English in a single wanky Twitter feed or two-second snarl to the press than you'll ever need to know in your lifetime. On the other hand, maybe BMC isn't looking so bad after all...

Look What You Did to Rosemary, You Clods!: and, no thanks to Universal Sports, who--while I'm still willing to grovel at their feet for showing the Vuelta at all in this country--apparently jacked one of our faithful readers out of viewing one of the few sprint stages ever to take place in a Vuelta and who, if not completely put out by an act of God, truly owe her and the rest of us desperate US-bound bike freaks a drooling, abject apology. Get it together, clowns--do you even realize how rare it's been for Tom Boonen to be within visual range of a camera at the line at all this season?!

My Samu Sanchez Plug o' the Day: meantime, since we all know Samuel Sanchez is gonna win the Vuelta, you can head over here to place your vote at Gazzetta Dello Sport's latest poll. For Samuel Sanchez. 'Cause he's gonna win the Vuelta. His name is the fourth one down, so you can click on it. Right there. Did I mention Samu's gonna win the Vuelta?

Okay, Ivan Basso's Riding It, Too: as I pondered saying something today about how just, well, unusually impressive it was that Alejandro Valverde and Ivan Basso beat Cadel Evans in a time trial, my urge to surmise was almost squelched as I recalled with shame and relief how very fortunate we simply are that our Liquigas studmuffin even made it in one piece to the Vuelta at all (no serious injuries to anyone else, either, don't worry):


And, We're Going to Vegas, Baby!: yep, if all goes as planned, I'll be heading to smashing industry trade show Interbike in late September, and if there's anyplace better-suited to encapsulating the gear, the grime, the glory, and the gaudiest outfits outside the Liberace Museum than the City of Sin, I've yet to hear of it. So besides daily product reviews for you gearheads, the usual unsubstantiated slanderous peloton gossip, and an exceedingly wily plan to track Phil Liggett and Paul Sherwen like a besotted punch-drunk panther, keep your eye out for Interactive Racejunkie Reader Features to be announced, and baby, let's hit the Strip!