Wednesday, April 08, 2009

It's Not Easy Being Green; and, A Call To Action

...Or A Guy Dense Enough To Name His Blood Bags After His Dog, Either: yep, despite the objections of the rabidly anti-doping Spanish authorities, Alejandro "The Green Bullet" Valverde's hearing in Italy is set for May 11, where our still-unscathed hero is gonna have to try to delay any ban from riding on Italian soil til at least after the Tour de France, which, of course, should the ban be in place, would DQ him from riding for GC in the Tour because one stage crosses briefly over into Italy. Given how ticked off they are over Basso's cruel 3-year exclusion, good luck with that one Alejandro! Oh, well, you could always pull a Ricco' and keep yourself busy teaching spinning classes--at least then you won't have to face the press after blowing the Grand Boucle *again*!

It's My Body and I'll Cry If I Want To: so Lance, predictably, has gone on the offensive over the French accusations of grievous etiquette violations, claiming of course he couldn't give a blood or urine sample til after he'd had time for a nice hot shower and his manservant Johan spent half an hour checking the narc's credentials anyway. Okay, Lance, it was an inconvenience, and I sympathize with the hideous damage to your beautiful coiffure, but am I the only one who remembers poor shocked Kevin Van Impe being accosted for a doping control then threatened with sanctions right after he'd learned his infant son had died? Yeah, Lance, *that* it ain't. So suck it up, quit whining (as should the French, while we're at it), and move on already--and oughtn't you at least pretend to keep an eye on the surging Contador?

World's Dumbest Criminals: and, congrats to alleged master thief Lee Crider and general master doofus Dung Le, busted for, respectively, stealin'-and-sellin' and possessing Lance and two other Astana boys' incredibly inconspicuous specially-pimped bikes from a team truck at the Tour of California. Um, I don't remotely want to encourage this sort of knavery, but neither of you two rocket scientists ever heard the handy phrase "repaint it first"?

As If!: meanwhile, I see time trial genius (oops, almost) Stefan Schumacher, banned for 2 years after an exceedingly impressive 2008 Tour de France, has appealed his case to the CAS, which, particularly since he's protesting his actual innocence, sez it unfortunately won't be able to hand down its predetermined screwover til the near-end of the season. !@#dammit, Schumi--quit yapping about this meaningless "justice" crapola--just grab yourself a forlorn-lookin' baby to kiss and start chasing down the paparazzi with it already!

Yes, We Can!: finally, I've just learned the European wine industry is in serious trouble, and folks, as lovers of international cycling, it's frankly our duty to fix it. Therefore, in the interests of saving our beloved sport, and because I just plain like alcohol, I propose a new drinking game: (1) every time the Italians wank about Valverde, toss back Chianti Classico. (2) every time the Spaniards complain about the Italians wanking about Valverde, it's a glass of Tempranillo. (3) every time the French whine about--jeez, what don't they whine about come to think of it, but let's stick with Armstrong anyway--snarf up a nice Bordeaux. I guarantee, with these options, we will have this industry back up and rolling within days. Now get out that corkscrew, and allez, allez!

10 comments:

Tom said...

Italians just pulled the Giro entirely within Italy's borders, erasing the jaunt into France.

If the French go tit for tat, and God knows how the French hate to be petty over anything, no worries for Mr. Green Bullet.

I'm alchohol free, but if the Italians ever start making Dr Pepper I'm right there with you, drink for drink.

Mary said...

Hee! Love the new drinking game! I'm headed out to the store now to get stocked up; it looks like it's going to be a busy season!

And, really - you fucking French AFLD, get over your damn selves already! Stop acting like the whiners we already believe you to be, and get out there and do some REAL testing! At this point, I'm not going to believe a positive Armstrong test if they produce a YouTube video of him shooting himself up at the start line of any race. I'm especially not going to believe any positive result out of France - you guys have already shown you can't be trusted with Big Kid Science in your testing. Grrrr!

Still looking forward to a smashing victory by Hincapie this weekend!!!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, Hincapie is a happy doper.

Ben said...

i don't want to start an argument on such an awesome blog, but...mary, if you don't trust the AFLD testing methods, does that mean you think schumacher, kohl, beltran and duenas weren't doping? just a point. 'cause they wouldn't have been caught under the standard UCI methods...

Tom said...

I think it isn't the testing methods that Mary has issue with, but the integrity of those in power.

Especially in the case of Armstrong, they too often allow their spitefulness, pettiness and hatred bleed into the proceedings.

If you can't trust the motives and integrity of those in charge, how can you trust the results of their testing?

When those upholding the ethics of cycling have no ethics themselves, how much of anything that comes from them can we believe?

Ben said...

yeah, but if it's integrity we're discussing, how about the entire leadership of the UCI? or the US cycling authorities who welcome an unrepentant doper like hamiliton? the AFLD are less influential than both of those examples, and whilst they might be better at annoying Lance, they don't have a monopoly on lack of integrity (is that gramatically possible??).

personlly, I have an easier time believing the AFLD, but that's just me..

I can see why people don't trust them, so how about Michael Ashenden? He developed the EPO test they use in the Olympics. Pretty interesting interview at nyvelocity..

Tom said...
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Tom said...

Is an indictment of the French an endorsement of UCI?

I don't see how.

It was a very good interview. Very interesting.

racejunkie said...
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racejunkie said...

First, feel free to argue, folks. Second, Hincapie a doper? Aaaaiiiigggghhhh! Third, I'm less disturbed by the whiners at AFLD than at Captain Morality over at UCI, who's smacking around the French for exactly the same sort of leakfest sleazemongering he whored to every single news outlet on earth the split second the Floyd Landis scandal broke, so he's hardly in a position to complain. Except, you know, Lance is a hell of a comeback cash-cow to stand next to in UCI photo ops.