Monday, April 06, 2009

Foiled Again!

Nasty Boy: yes, the triumphant French narcs over at AFLD have nailed Lance Armstrong at last: they've sent a scathing report about his--you guessed it!--behavior during his recent hair-sample gathering to the guardians of etiquette at UCI and WADA, which means, of course, they've failed to get him for actual doping *again*. A violation of politesse by this uncouth barbarian cowboy-pig--quelle horreur! Um, not to tell the French how to prioritize, but isn't there, say, one or two other podium-shot riders we can all think of, perhaps even in the same team kit, who they might more profitably turn their attention to ahead of July?

I Feel a Hot Wind/On My Shoulder/Must Be the Breath of Stijn Devolder: wow, did race fave Pippo Pozzato hose himself suckin' on Tom Boonen so tightly, and while those two trade whines over their colossal mutual woof, I must concede that, while I was actually rooting for we love Thor Hushovd because I'm still stinging from big Maggy Backstedt's casual remark that he oughta be Heinrich Haussler's lead-out--and even a bit for Tom just because hardly anyone picked him either--Devolder's whomping two-fer of a breakaway-shattering solo run absolutely kicked !@#. Oh least Pozzato looks very "Make Me a Supermodel" on his slinky new website!

Killer Queen: meantime, the Queen of Classics, Paris-Roubaix, is almost here, and in my usual paean to losing causes I'll say flat out I desperately want Hincapie to take it, if only because anyone who has the craptastic luck to have his steerer tube shear off his bike while in great position for victory and the stellar reflexes not to impale himself on the thing like he's committing hara-kiri has really, in my view, already earned the thing. Heck, the world owes him *some* justice for killing himself at Lance's service for so many years with only one lousy Tour de France stage win as his thanks in return!

Take On Me: finally, as the Italians continue to pursue Alejandro Valverde in vengeance for Ivan Basso being justly busted for Op Puerto, I see the Spaniards, who in the last years've masterfully avoided taking any action against anyone among a whole peloton's worth of drugged-up home-grown skankballs, are suddenly aggressively declaring jurisdiction over Alejandro, no doubt so they can help make sure those old needle marks are well-covered by makeup by the time he's forced to testify about a truckload of blood bags that not only belong to someone else's dog entirely but will also almost certainly mysteriously disappear sometime this week and render the entire inquiry moot before he even has time to lose this year's Tour in his own right, *again.* See, Italy, they're all for equal punishment for equal crimes--if you're Italian or German, that is!


Tom said...

Yeah, that's what I thought about the Lance thing, too. Ok, sure, I'll admit, if they were niceness testers they'd have him dead to rights. But they are, or so I thought, DRUG testers.

Lance being clean is something I'd really like to be wrong about. But does it make sense to beat one's head against a rock while hoping the magic doping fairy will give a desirable test result?

I know it's genetic and the French can't help that they're a##-munching goons, but this is just desperation. They're making themselves look even more stupid, futile and senselessly arrogant than even being French can account for.

And, six days between posts?

The withdrawal was savage. First headaches, then nervous shakes, then vomiting, then vomiting blood. Please, for the sake of my health, post sooner from now on.

racejunkie said...

Oh my, sorry Tom. I'm used to making people sick when I *do* post, not when I *don't*.

Anonymous said...

Not to jump on the anti-Lance bandwagon (oops, too late) but avoiding a test for 20 minutes to 'shower' is a pretty clear violation. LA can whine all he wants about the cruel injustice of peeing while sweaty but he used an extremely flimsy rationale to delay a test. Read the NY Velocity interview with Michael Ashenden to see just what can happen in those 20 minutes.