Fall Out Boy

Your Nose Is As Long as a Telephone Wire: so, as every other dope-likely prospect from the Op Puerto investigation remains unscathed, the German press, no great friend to Jan since, oh, ever, are natch all over the Ullrich situation, dubbing the fallen hero "unbearable," "embarassing," and a "liar." Sure, probably none of those assessments are entirely unfair, but really, what kind of spine does it take to kick a man when he's down? And, between the doping, the off-season excess poundage, the high-times partying, his prodigious talent, and his legendary, fruitless rivalry with Lance Armstrong, oughtn't you be even a little bit grateful for all the euros you've been making off his notoriety the last 10 years? Meantime, T "Lords of Discipline" Mobile, somewhat out of the press of late for sheer lack of results and still needing something to justify their money-sucking sponsorship, couldn't resist, claiming to be "not surprised." Now, is it me, or were they also "not surprised," but perfectly happy to glom onto him like a leech, by the constant explicit doping allegations that were thwapping him for the many years T-Mobile was joyfully making obscene amounts of money off his dirty legs? Even little Team Volksbank is shedding him from their management team. Perhaps, say, Discovery could use him?

UCI Can See Clearly Now: Predictably, UCI's Pat "Dick" McQuaid crowed about the Ullrich matter, and vowed again that everyone else is still in his sights. Well, that's one out of about 50 you've nailed, Pat...anyone else quaking in his bike shorts yet? And, the entire noble ProTour immediately re-swore to make DNA samples available for testing in actively investigated doping disputes. So they needn't cough it up yet...but they really promise to. Hmmm...could Bruyneel (and the rest) have copped to this sincere effort because Op Puerto--the only real threat to, among others, Ivan Basso--has already precluded that possibility by its closure? Positive publicity and a total lack of accountability--nice work, Discovery!

Basque the Way (Uh Huh, Uh Huh) I Like It: and, it's a mountainous Vuelta a Pais Vasco on tap, with my personal fave for this year's Vuelta a Espana, Euskaltel-Euskadi's Sammy Sanchez, set to hit the slopes with Haimar Zubeldia, last year's taker Gomez Marchante, baby genius/potential spoiler Alberto Contador, and, of course, a Tour-prepping Alejandro Valverde. Fine, spit it out cycling.tv--how much is this one gonna cost me?

Joseba Beloki Contract Watch: like that's gonna happen *now.* Thanks for nuthin', Ullrich!