It's the Amgen EPO Tour of Screw You UCI For Scheduling This Opposite the Giro! California! And the Women's Tour! And the Giro!! #giro

Holy Crap It's the Girooooooooooooo! Woo-hoo, it's finally the fabulous Giro d'Italia, and yes, the first two stages are Irish, baby! Tomorrow (or hell, today, depending on where you are!): a 21.7k pretty darn flat team time trial, with Garmin and OPQS out for flamingo-pink glory. Saturday: 219k of flat Belfast-to-Belfast sprinters' delight. Problem: the latest forecast is !@#$ for Saturday, and that's baaaaaad news this early in the race for a twitchy pack still gettin' their legs--GC contenders, watch yer collarbones!

We're Going Back To Cali, To Cali, To Cali: and, if you're not at the superior Giro, or hiding out "training," uh, training, ahead of the Tour, I guess you are at the Amgen EPO You Suck UCI For Scheduling This Opposite the Giro! California. And it's really, despite these riders' clear heresy--which according to Dante, plops 'em right into the 6th circle o' hell--a smashing field. There: we love Tom Boonen, we love Jens, Mark Cavendish, archrival Peter Sagan, Taylor Phinney, Fast Freddie, and, of course, go-to-hell-he-can-so-too-win-a-stage-either we still love Thor Hushovd. Oh right, and that Wiggins guy. Watch out for: perpetual numbnuts Riccardo Ricco', schmoozin' up the Amgen reps for free samples. Now apologize, all of you, for skipping the Giro, and *maybe* we'll wish you all luck!

Holy Crap It's a Women's Tour!: no, not a three-week Grand Tour, but still, it's a solid 5 days o' British bitchin'ness, with huge crowds turning out for the likes of Lizzie Armistead, Marianne Vos, Giorgia Bronzini, Hannah Barnes, and pretty well everyone worth watchin'. Allez allez Giorgia--Marianne, you're already gonna win somethin' anyway!

Next Up: it's your 2014 Racejunkie Giro d'Italia Win Free Stuff Contest!