Mark Cavendish is *Screwed*!

Man on the Run: yep, looks like it's serious--Cav's go-to, and frankly much-needed, lead-out Mark Renshaw is apparently about to head to Rabobank to pursue some main-man sprint dreams of his own. Well, given how you've used him like a bat-wielding goon on the other sprinters, Cav, you better watch out now if you piss *him* off! Of course, you could just go all McEwen and actually rip someone's ear off with your teeth yourself...

Thooooooooooor!: in other "what the !@#$?" news, we love Thor Hushovd has bailed on the wholly unappreciative Garmin-Cervelo--I warned you, Vaughters!--to head to BMC of all places, and is so certain that the squad's massive support of all things Cadel (which Cadel deserves, for sure) won't leave him completely jacked again in the Classics and everything else that he's gone ahead and inked a full three-year gig. Considering what Thor managed to pull off entirely on his own in the Tour de France this year, though, I imagine that even there with the full force of the squad behind the defending Evans, Thor'll manage things for himself juuuuuuust fine. Okay, Thor, I'll admit I'm still a little skeptical here--but if you say it's okay, it must be true!

Bio Hazard: so, despite the fact that narcs-supreme UCI've got every cyclist's blood profile locked down cold, it seems there's a little problem with the infallible biological passport--according to Cervelo guru Gerard Vroomen, the dedicated dope-fighters aren't actually, y'know, testing against it. D'oh! Y'know, *no-one* has more faith in Pat "Dick" McQuaid than I, so I'm gonna state the obvious here and say that the only reason UCI *hasn't* done any of this stuff lately is that they just haven't plain had the time since they've been so busy busting big-name riders like, um....and, uh....gee, maybe...no, how about....hmmmmm....oh, but you watch out, you cheaters, they're comin' after you *someday*!

Tic-Toc, Baby!: finally, since you just can't wait for the Vuelta to begin (no, not the *Tour*, you soulless trolls, the *Vuelta*, the fabulous *Vuelta*), here's a bitchin' promotional video to ring in the countdown. Enjoy--and dammit, bring this sucker *on* already!

Next, On Versus: Extreme Cagefighting With...HTC Columbia?

Damn, and you thought Robbie "Head-Butt" McEwen had the lock on violent intra-sprint altercations (and if you *still* can't see where Andre Greipel had his ear sewn back on after Robbie chomped it off, *I* can't help you): now harmless lead-out man Mark Renshaw's actually gotten thrown out of the Tour for defending crybaby supremo Mark Cavendish's honor with his skull, so badly that even resident peloton Little Lord Fauntleroy Tyler Farrar was pissed off. Let's review the tape: Oops, that *was* Robbie. Let's try this one: Yep, class way to win, Cav--just have your remaining lead-out train whack Tyler Farrar right on his broken wrist with a pedal wrench next time, why don't'cha?

Baby, You Were Born To Run: well, good luck to the owners and managers of US Postal during the Armstrong years, 'cause Lance, apparently rather concerned there's maybe something to those "systemic team doping" allegations, has decided to completely abandon them to the Big House via his complete crap assertion that, not only was he not an owner of the team--certainly not too onerous to ascertain--but, and this has got to be a joke, he was such a pathetic powerless ignorant minion with regard to its management that he might as well have been the towel boy's cousin's daughter's sister-in-law, or, infinitely worse, Andreas Kloden. I call bull!@#$ Armstrong! No, you hadn't won the Tour de France 7 times yet, but you were already a Great American Hero, a colossal commodity cash-cow, and a relentless narcissistic control-freak. No offense, but how the hell else did Postal get run like a heavily-armed dissent-and-die banana republic dictatorship to serve your every whim, if not by you? And am I the only thinking that if I were his bestest friend in the world Johan Bruyneel, I'd start getting ready to be pimped to the narcs like a $5 gigolo? Look--there goes Lance with his ol' partners after him!

Don't Give Up, Thor! Finally, we love Thor Hushovd is crushed for his loss of the green jersey in the sprint to Ale-Jet Petacchi today, and while I can't blame him for being skittish for once in the midst of a sucker-punch bar-brawl far beyond even the usual egomaniacal sprinter punk-assness, I do have to say, don't feel too bad Thor--Cav's won three stages now (and, to his deserving kudos, has just broken the sprint-win record for the Tour even though Zabel is still far superior) and he's *still* on the rump-end of the green jersey points, so you *go* you big Norwegian lug!