All right, Vuelta fans, we love and still have total faith Mikel Landa...*rested* for a day and is now thinking hard about a stage win in week 3, Carapaz and his golden helmet straight-out cracked like a rotten walnut and is completely out of GC as well, and Rogla...well, we'll get to him right off! So what've we learned so far? This!
1. Roglic. Let's face it, the man's a freak of nature. I mean, hopefully "of nature," or at least as natural as any of these guys can be expected to be! Anyhow, while he's only 28 seconds up on Mas and less than two minutes ahead of Bernal and Lopez, a lot can happen in the next 10 days, and it probably still won't matter a damn because, according to my highly sophisticated mathematical models, he's gonna obliterate all these guys by approximately two and half hours on the final day 33k race-deciding time trial. Wild card: he *has* been known to tire a bit, and key lieutenant Sepp Kuss, who in prior Grand Tours has had plenty of time to sit up, crack open a cold beer, and enjoy a massage waiting for Rogla to catch up to him on a climb, has been on certainly very fine but also to my eyes rather yo-yo-ing form, which could present a problem for Rogla if he's caught on a very bad day. Yeah, so he slaughters the competition by 30 seconds less in the end! Oh, Rogla, if only you weren't *so* darn likeable...
2. Alejandro Valverde. You can say a lot about Bala--and heck knows, I have and will--but you can't deny that at age 216, he still injects a whole buncha power and a whole buncha liveliness into any given race, not least when he's bushwhacking his own teammates, so by any measure it's just total !@#$ that our one-man Fountain of Youth crashed out on a miniscule pothole and pitched, miraculously, halfway-but-at-least-not-all-the-way off a cliff. And if you weren't moved when he was sobbing into the arms of his swanny as he realized his dream had vaporized, you're just a lollipop-stealing puppy-ignoring heartless monster. Get well soon Alejandro--but seriously, is there anyone who *doesn't* think he's gonna redeem his final Vuelta this year by stomping his final Vuelta again next year?
3. Mas and Lopez. What is Movistar to do when a third of its omnidestructive 'trident' strategy is gone? Yeah, apparently *still* carry Roglic up to the summit of every mountain stage, but aside from that, to their credit, at least they're *trying* to attack. Fatal weakness: yep, time trial. Oh well, at least it's sort of a crapshoot who'll end up where on the final podium!
4. Ineos. You gotta give 'em credit--despite Carapaz' total meltdown, for which he at least has a pretty good excuse, if any team is most likely to succeed Movistar as the Team Most Likely to Win the Race for Another Team's Rider, it's these guys. And while Yates put up quite a brave attack yesterday, and Bernal, well, managed to hang in there, that's not to say that they won't redeem themselves with a stage win, at least if Bernal's back holds up. With even him sounding dispirited though, the signs for more aren't good. Don't feel *too* bad though--I'm sure Jumbo-Visma will be glad to hand 'em a few water bottles along the road!
5. Mikel Landa. Normally, I'd lead with or last-but-not-least our beloved Carrot, but frankly, I didn't want you all to see me cry. I will, however, scream in agony. Aaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggggggggghhhhhh! Okay, I'm cool, I'm cool--but Mikel, don't you even *think* about that "Tour de France" bull!@#$ for next year, the Giro d'Italia is in !@#damn *May* and you're not gonna let what happened this year psych you out, you hear?!
6. Fabio Jakobsen. Sure, you can't help but like Jasper Philipsen, and I'd be way happy for Bling Matthews to take a win, but holy crap is it delightful to see Fabio back from his catastrophic injury, back in the peloton, and, most thrillingly, back to his winning ways. Can you imagine what this kid is gonna do in 2022 when he's had a solid season of racing behind him? Now shut up and hand me the Kleenex, you saps!
7. Euskaltel. Sure, I'm not exactly appreciating it when the race commentators discount our dear baby Carrots for the win in *every* *single* *breakaway*, but not only are they making their sponsors and the Basque fans wildly happy, they're also, by the law of averages, bound to pull one of these stages off. And if not, there's always next year--with luck and justice, in *every* Grand Tour this time!
8. Bahrain-Victorious and EF. I'm beyond gutted about the Gut-Wrenching Nut-Punch That Shall Not be Named, and awful sad that the very fine Hugh Carthy had to bail this year, but you can't fault these two teams--with their leaders out, they've pivoted on a dime and taken a coupla smashing stage wins, with, it looks likely, more to come. Aw, come on--like *you* weren't hyperventilating right up til the last kilometer yesterday for Caruso to pull off the win!
9. Mikel Nieve. I have been disapproving this "hard-man" crap of late, particularly as it relates to riding with actual bone breaks and head bonks, but damn, our dear ever-Carrot Nieve just *never* gives up. *That's* a team captain, baby!
Well, while we can only *wish* we had the power to eavesdrop on Ineos' strategy meeting today, we'll at least get to see its twisted outcome on the road the week to come--so get out yer Euskaltel gear, cross your fingers we'll end up with a real battle out there, and let's get back on the tarmac!
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