1. WHY THE !@#$ ARE WE STILL USING THOSE !@#$ING BARRIERS WITH THE METAL FEET STICKING OUT! Fer chrissakes, guys are getting cut up like deli meat out there!
2. Julian Alaphilippe. He's earned--and honored--the maillot jaune. Can we stop with the doping insinuations, and outright accusations, since he sorta cracked and definitely almost hurled up a lung clinging on to it today? At least let's give the French ten minutes to enjoy their relief from two decades of total humiliation at their own Grand Tour, why don't we!
3. Romain Bardet and Warren Barguil. Yeah, we *know.* But at least one of 'em's had at least one good day, so dang, cut 'em a little slack for once! Of course, the other irks me for all time for making Mikel Landa crash and get caught behind the split, even though he did apologize very nicely for it. And right on Thibaut Pinot!
4. I will unconditionally love Phil Liggett always. And I know, beloved cycling TV honchos around the world, if you didn't have a giant pile of dopers commentating for the sport, let's face it, coverage from damn near everywhere important would be completely silent. But FFS, NBC, putting on some unrepentant assclown who allegedly once cornered Tyler Hamilton outside a toilet to shut him down goes beyond a mere acknowledgement of reality to a complete dope-smack (oops!) of everyone--like, say, the justly legendary Greg Lemond--this guy has deliberately !@#$ed over. Next year, leave Lance out!
5. Rohan Dennis, man. Bailing out of the Tour de France mid-stage--in the freakin' breakaway, no less--the day before a stage he was widely expected to win, with nary a word of explanation to his shocked team, and no precipitating no apparent illness or imminent doping bust, just a disagreement, if evidently a massive one, over his time-trial setup and skinsuit. If it's a symptom of a broader problem, and he needs help, I genuinely hope he (and anyone else who needs it, in this pressure-cooker sport) gets it, and that the team, his compatriots, and the entire cycling world support him in every way they possibly can. But if it was just a truly epic snit by a gigantically privileged overgrown toddler--well, good luck getting a new contract next year!
6. One of those Yates is doing pretty good this Tour, amirite? Or maybe it's both of them. Whatever!
7. Jeeeeeeeeeeez, Nairo Quintana's boring to watch. What *happened* to the guy who once blazingly won the fabulous Giro?
8. The fan who got her phone knocked outta her hand by Niccolo Bonifazio's head during the stage 11 sprint. Do I *have* to repost "What Not to Do for Dimwitted Fans" every ten minutes?
9. Time trials should not decide a freakin' Grand Tour. I'm trying to help you here, Mikel!
10. Oh, La Course this year even exists? I mean, you guys *should* be embarrassed you're basically putting on a half-day crit for a pile of the best cyclists on the planet, but damn, I've seen more impassioned and wide-ranging publicity for my puny hometown's annual styrofoam recycling day for !@#$'s sake!
11. (Not) speaking of the spider-like flailing elephant in the room, a pile of guys who crashed (and crashed out) have looked *waaaaay* more gory than this happy-photo Pollyanna 'barely a boo-boo' bull!@#$ Chris Froome's PR team's been pimping. If there isn't contemporaneous photographic indisputably-dated evidence that *right now* he looks like some barfed-up human mis-digestion from "Alien", Twitter still ain't buying it you fakers!
12. Peter Sagan signed an autograph for a spectator *running beside him during the race while he was riding it*, so if you even halfway think, for even a fraction of a split second of a sub-moment of a nanoparticle, that you're a *remotely* passable bike-handler--honey, you ain't !@#%!
All right, we've made it through first half of the race. On to the Alps--time to *really* get this show on the road!
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