Wednesday, March 09, 2016

It's Yer Handy Pictorial Guide to Avoiding Rider-Spectator Collisions During Bike Races!

Look, justifiably exciting as it is to attend a bike race and have your hero zip by close enough to touch (which would get you tackled and beaten by goons at, say, an NFL game), we here at racejunkie have tried *repeatedly* to educate eejit spectators on how *not* to down a speeding (or hell, even crawling) cyclist. Still, some folks can't get it through it their thick heads, so now, we're gonna try it with *fewer* words and *lots* of easy-to-understand pictures, just like those books your teacher read to you back in nursery school. So, How Not to Collide With a Cyclist:

This is a "bike racer."

S/he races on a "course."

In some places, there are "barriers" on the course.

Do not stick objects, like cell phones , promotional tchotchkes , or selfie sticks into the course or over the barrier.

These can hit the rider, who can fall and bleed. That is bad.

If there are cobblestones , or a rider gets squeezed off the course, s/he may occasionally ride in the gutter . Don't stand there.

Dogs don't understand bike races.

They may wander into the course, because they are *dogs*. Hold onto them.

Toddlers don't understand bike races either. So like dogs, they may wander. Hold onto them too.

This is a handlebar.

If you wave a plastic bag into it, it stops. Like, hard.

Don't do this either. Plus, because you just hurt we love Iban Mayo, I will hate you forever.

And get the !@#$ off the race course!

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