The Doper's Song (With Apologies To Nat King Cole)

Lactose burning your legs like fire,
Hot sweat dripping off your nose,
If you don't snag the maillot jaune tonight,
Your career really will be hosed.

Everybody knows, a syringe and some EPO,
Helps to make palmares bright,
Cheating skanks tested just before bed,
Will find it hard to sleep tonight.

They know that UCI is on its way,
They're using high-tech tests, they'll make you pay
And every pin-up cheat is gonna cry,
So you won't care his whole defense is a lie.

So give a hug to your DS,
Who gave the drugs to you to do,
Kiss some kids, and keep omerta',
You'll be right back in a year or two!