Bang, Bang!/I Am the Warrior

So Who's It Going To Be, Johan?: he's got the face of an angel, the self-effacement of a saint, the gentility of a prince, and the generosity of a good Samaritan. What else has he got? Let's face it, the raw self-centered hunger for victory at any cost of a young you-know-who--and if Johan Bruyneel and Lance "Be My !@#$%, !@#$%" Armstrong don't think that darling child Contador means exactly what it looks like when he thumps his chest like an amped-up chimp and fires his imaginary gun as he crosses the line, they're freakin' nuts. Why in hell would this surging creature want to domestique for yesterday's news? In short, one of 'em's clearly gonna have to switch teams, since Lance in particular can only tolerate total unquestioning servitude from everyone he rides with. So which is it, Johan: is your loyalty to the king you made back then, or the one you're making now? Y'know, Lance'd look awfully pretty in Columbia baby blue...

Of course, either way this turns out, Andreas Kloden and Levi Leipheimer are screwed *again*, though, given that Contador never begrudged anyone a stage win or a split-second's attention from the press, they're probably better off as it stands now--which still, frankly, sucks. But if it's Lance, they'll only be allowed to race for themselves if and when Lance thinks it'll help him at the Tour, and even if they are allowed to ride for themselves at all anytime anywhere ever, Lance (1) is hardly gonna ride for 'em in return or (2) let anyone else on the squad do so if it conflicts with any of Lance's immediate needs. So you want the Giro or the Vuelta boys, or even say the Deutschland Tour, under the new Armstrong regime? If you don't mind your team car being staffed solely by a waterboy, your massages done by a mechanic with a wooden mallet, and your support riders being a middle-school development squad, have at! Oh, poor little Klodi...

Rosy-Pink Floyd: in happier (or crappier, depending on how you feel about him; I profess the former) news, trustbutverify's boy Floyd Landis--who still owes them a wallowing obeisance of gratitude and a good half of his Floyd Fairness Fund stash for their indefatigable efforts on his behalf--confirms he's going to be back racing next year, aiming at the Amgen EPO Tour of California, so I guess it's time to book tix now. Allez Floyd!

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings: so the verdict's in for 2005 Tour (and 2001 Giro--damn, they should just prosecute this guy for stupidity) doper Dario Frigo, last busted for a wad of EPO found in his wife's car, and it's six months in the clink suspended plus a hefty fine if he holds it together and doesn't do anything else moronic, though having been long since ignominiously ejected from the peloton I imagine he doesn't exactly need to stoke up for a meandering Sunday ride with the bambini. Then again, no doubt those tots can really put on the pressure...

A Gentle Plea to Cycling.tv: okay, as a no-coverage hellbound American, I admit I'm abjectly grateful to be permitted to pay cycling.tv out the hoo-ha for the pathetic privilege of receiving two-inch-square streaming web coverage of my grossly underrated Vuelta, particularly when all I'm catching on Vs.' "Cyclysm Sundays" is twelve straight hours of Bambi-shootin' and about 10 minutes of old-news national championship bike racing, but jeez, for what I'm payin', *must* there be such an egregious delay in posting any given day's "As Live" footage when it's inevitable one's gonna hear the stage results before the entire three week race is over? I mean, this ain't the Superbowl in this country--it's not like my lame boss'll let me watch 5 hours of live coverage while I'm on the clock! Please, please, dear cycling.tv, put my money where your mouth is...after all, don't I get points for asking you so nicely (if primarily because you hold my Vuelta-lovin' fate in your hands) *and* promoting you so relentlessly to both my faithful readers?

Paolo Bettini Contract Watch: nothin'. Dammit! But I think anonymous is right on Cervelo'. Hell, they must've ponied up some pretty serious dough for the reigning Tour de France champ and a solid sprinter/prologuer/green jersey winner like Thor Hushovd--surely they can find a few (million) extra euros for the giant hole in their squad where a Classics/Grand Tour stage winner/world champ oughta be, right? You better not have blown the budget stealing Samuel Sanchez from my Euskaltel you twits!

The British Invasion: finally, congrats to our beloved (if slightly delusional as to his hero) Shameless St. Millar Defender for his countryman Mark Cavendish's completely stomping the US-heavy field at our own Toura Missoura for 3 mortifying stages. If the American Revolution had been fought out on the roads on bikes right now, we'd clearly all be Brits, I must concede!