Thursday, September 20, 2007

Floyd F@#$ed-Over Fund

And You Thought People Hated Lawyers *Before* Today: yes, as everyone who's not actually clinically dead now knows, the LNDD lab chimps have triumphed at last, as the arbitration panel officially kicked Floyd Landis--and any concept of fair play--to the Fryolator. Am I the only one on this planet thinking our fine profession--for whose credentials I'll be paying longer'n Floyd will his monstrous legal bills if that's even humanly possible--looks like a repulsive parody of a crap episode of "Night Court" at this point?! Thanks, clowns--the way everyone from the lab monkeys on up handled this, no-one can ever feel confident of the justice (or injustice) of the verdict except the boy himself! Of course, the most entertaining part of any decision being the dissent, let's take a look, point-by-point, at the findings of the 1 in the 2-to-1 vote (and I note, in the interests of protecting the few ratty threads of dignity the field has left, that I am rather paraphrasing here):
--Athletes' Interests Are Screwed
--LNDD Submitted Improper Evidence of a Doping Violation
--WADA's Code of Ethics for Head Lab Chimps Has Been Interpreted and Enforced (it's been enforced?!) as an Unnecessary Obstacle to the Search for Truth
--LNDD Failed to Follow Proper Procedure for the T/E Ratio Test
--LNDD Blew the Chain of Custody
--The Lab Monkeys' Failure to Properly Record Forensic Corrections Renders the Documents Worthless !@#$
--Other Documents Are As Valid as a $3 Bill
--LNDD Completely Tossed Its Legal and Ethical Obligations of Confidentiality Over a Cliff
--LNDD Couldn't Even Properly Document Its Adverse Findings re: Additional B Sample Testing in Like 400 Tour Stages
--The Document Package Doesn't Comport With a Cheap Star Trek Ripoff, Much Less Actual Known Science, to Wit: the T/E results Don't Match the IRMS Test Results, and the Metabolites in Landis' Sample Are Acting Like Alien Life Forms; and, the disgusting icing on the cake:
--Even Accepting the Lab Monkeys' Crap Findings as True, Landis' Sample Was Actually Negative. Well, that last one oughta comfort you Floyd!

Holy crap, in the real world this oughtn't have convicted a junkie personally growing opium poppies cooking up some hash then shooting up live on "Geraldo Rivera" in front of a hundred million people for chrissakes, much less some lone renegade introvert cyclist surreptitiously whacking a patch on his package in the privacy of his French hotel bathroom. And congratulations UCI on Floyd being the first cyclist in 105 years to be stripped of the Tour for doping--I'm *sure* he's the only guy who's ever done it, you !@#$%%$! incompetents!

Oh Iban. Call it a day. Alejandro Valverde excepted, looks like *every* poor bastard's going down from here on out!


Whareagle said...

I wish I knew a hit man. I'd send him after some of these WADA/USADA/UCI goons and break some kneecaps and jaws.

David said...

The decision is infuriating, but not surprising. The system is designed to convict athletes, the evidence be damned!

I share wharealge's feelings.