Thursday, May 10, 2007

What's the Difference Between a Catfish and a Lawyer?

One's a Bottom-Dwelling Scum-Sucker, and the Other's a Fish: in the wake of the Landis arbitrators' disgusting-but-unsurprising spankin' new 2-1 decision to completely screw Floyd Landis over without actually consulting the third arbitrator on a B-testing challenge, as required, Floyd at his press conference today came out with a true shocker: USADA's lawyer offered him a *month's* suspension in exchange for giving up Lance Armstrong. The problem? Floyd couldn't give Lance up, not only because he's not inclined to be the same total ass!@#$ to Lance that Lance has til recently been to him (that's my comment, not the far-nicer Floyd's), but because he never saw Lance do anything wrong. His reward for his integrity? As noted above, the stacked panel's preexisting Salem witch trial, and the total destruction of his career, his rep, his Tour, and his place in cycling history. Really fair to Floyd either way, guys!

Y'know, my verdict was actually out on Landis til this moment, even after Bobby Julich suggested 'way back that the only way Floyd could've tested poz was if he was slipped something on the sly--after all, how many other heroes have proven themselves corner-cutting drug-scarfing weasels?--but if this is true, Floyd's got even my utter support. Why? Because even though capturing and destroying Lance Armstrong would be a dope-busting prize above any other-- easily including Landis, plus tossing in Ullrich and Riis, plus the rest of the freakin' peloton while we're at it, no offense--any cycling body that (1) truly loved and valued this most agonizing and beautiful sport and (2) truly believed that Landis was actually guilty would never allow a man who stole the monument-of-all-of-cycling Tour de France to get off with a measly month suspension. I mean, he'd be riding the Tour this year, for Christ's sake! And if they *would* whore the Tour de France for a case against Lance Armstrong, and if they *don't* believe Landis is actually or even just arguably culpable, and they're *still* willing to force this farce of a three-ring-circus to its likely and forever tainted rider-crushing conclusion, they goddamn ought to be dissolved.

Go get 'em baby!

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