Monday, May 21, 2007

Landis and Butthead

You Said "Butt": so Landis finally takes the stand, and actually makes a pretty well-said case that no, he didn't take a damn thing, and, more usefully for the moronothon non-cycling press if they bothered to listen, explained the actual strategy and mass peloton missteps that were the real cause of his spectacular rebound on the stage to Morzine. My issue? Damn, Floyd, you knew about your idiot manager's juvenile extortionate phone call, and you actively decided not to call your lawyers because it was LATE? What the possible crackheaded brain-frozen @#$% were you thinking? I know you're not a lawyer or anything, but even to a layperson--particularly one who's been welded to a giant pack of them every waking moment since July of last year--it ought to occur that that, say, blackmail against a witness over his childhood sexual abuse is something it's nice for your defense team to, well, know, especially since most of us do NOT begin our trial prep with tips along the lines of "please let me know if you try to intimidate a witness like some third-rate knee-capping goon" mixed in with the "tell the truth" and "answer the question you're asked" routine. Next time, Captain Blockhead, don't worry about interrupting our beauty sleep--if you decide to freak out Greg LeMond at 2 am in a drunken rampage, just give us a little ringy-ding, all right?

Speaking of Floyd, there was all sorts of other technical stuff about how the lab results are crap, but I'm utterly incapable of explaining them coherently, so I would honestly head over to Trust But Verify ( I think), a pro-Floyd site, for anything approaching thorough analysis. But please--there are comments opportunities--be kind to him will you? I suspect he's rather heartbroken at the moment. Grazie!

At the Volta a Catalunya: yep, it's a star-studded gallery of the Most Likely (Or Ought) to Be Evicted From the Tour de France This Year lined up at the beautiful Volta, including Oscar Pereiro, Alejandro Valverde, Vinokorouv, Francisco Mancebo and Oscar Sevilla, with impending Vuelta podium finisher Sammy Sanchez and we love Erik Zabel stretching their gams as well. Venga Sammy!

The Commentators Are Getting Restless: indeed, still relentlessly sucks for jacking me out of my Giro, but luckily it was Cyclysm Sunday over at Vs., and Phil Liggett and Bob Roll were on quite the ungenteel rampage, mostly at Ivan Basso's helpless expense. First, the ever-amiable Phil stopped to admire the passing-by of the hometown of Ferrari, pleasantly noting that many of the Italian riders of course own Ferraris and would enjoy the opportunity to meander about were they not otherwise occupied in the peloton, but that "some, like Ivan Basso, will probably have to sell them now." Sweet! Meanwhile, the cheerful Bob Roll unabashedly pimped Johan Bruyneel's utter bull@#$% line about how the evil Basso completely duped the naive and innocent Bruyneel into genuinely thinking he had no involvement whatsoever in doping or Op Puerto when they signed him, which rather passes the smell test with the same efficacy as a pile of vulture-engulfed road carrion--Bob, if you're gonna shill that ridiculous line for that PR-sucking revisionist weasel Bruyneel, oughtn't you disclose your own personal ties to and particular affinity for Discovery at least? I call bull@#$%! And, back to the actual Giro, it's one more sprint chance today for always-a-bridesmaid we love Thor Hushovd before we hit the high passes, so pull it together Thor!

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