The Race: 9 stages and a just-completed explosive 2k time trial prologue--hellooooo, 1st leader of the race Annemiek Van Vleuten!--with a sprinty-rolly 1st half yielding to a climber's delight--or agony!--for the final stages, with a 21.7k stage 8 time trial, 2 summit finishes and 3 more mountainy stages tossed in. Forza donne--you're gonna need all the "forza" you can muster!
The Ruckus: the women's peloton is at its most leg-to-leg competitive in virtually every discipline in years, the tifosi appear to be at historic levels of freakout, and, for my money, it's time for the women's sport to take its rightful place just as tennis' did a generation ago. And, you can follow it, and all the action, here! Heck, you can even catch it on RAI, if you get it (not me unfortunately--screw you American cable)!
The Contenders: the national jerseys have just been awarded, prior winners have a lot to show against the young'uns, and there's a whole lotta pride--and scarce scanty sponsorship dough on the line. Sprints--the great Giorgia Bronzini, who sez, to broken hearts everywhere if you got any brains whatsoever, she might retire next year. Her own Wiggle teammate Julien D'hoore, Barbara Guarischi. GC--2-time campionessa/US bad-!@# Mara Abbott (follow her here! French phenom and new world road champ--are you watching, French men's teams? 'cause she oughta make you weep!--Pauline Ferrand-Prevot. Brit fastwoman and all-round danger the great Lizzie Armistead, Evelyn Stevens! Also on tap: last year's blue best-Italian-rider jersey winner Elisa Longo Borghini and 2009 maglia rosa Claudia Lichtenberg. Out: unfortunately, still, defending champ Marianne Vos, but even without her, the depth in this field is insane. See you next year, Marianne--but even you're gonna have your work cut out for you when you get back!
Well, onto the fast course tomorrow--congratulations to you and whatever the hell you're standing next to, Annemiek!
Mony Mony: okay, forget that this year's Giro has been ratcheted down to entice Alberto to manageably do the Giro-Tour double--perhaps too much, as Contador expressed consternation over the Froome-friendlier monster individual time trial--Oleg Tinkov's calling out *all* you wuss-weenie competitors to Alberto: you do the Giro-Tour-Vuelta *triple*, and he'll hand over a cool one million euros. More, Oleg has *personally* challenged Nairo, Nibali, and Froomey to a throwdown, promising to ride each Grand Tour stage in 2015 himself, on two flat tires and carrying Andre "the Gorilla" Greipel on his back to boot. Man up, you wilting flowers--wah, legs, wah, wah, crashes, wah, wah, undoped limits of human endurance, wah, ya crybabies!
Wiggle Me This: and holy crap, not only does Wiggle-Honda already have a lock on the great speedster/prior world champ Giorgia Bronzini, but now they've got and signed two-time Giro Rosa winner/queen-stage bad-!@#/US hell-on-wheelwoman Mara Abbott as well. Dang, Giorgia for the sprints, Mara for the climbs--maybe Marianne Vos *has* got something to worry about next year!
Crime Pays: finally, good news for all you drug-stuffed cheating weasel miscreants: new research suggests that, at least as far as anabolic steroids go, the benefits of doping last looooooooooong after the thief-skank has served his/her ban and returned to the sport. Lesson: it's a good thing they haven't apparently researched this !@#$ with cycling's drugs yet, or a good percentage of the existing peloton'd be out on its !@#! On the plus side, this speaks well for Riccardo Ricco's planned attempt at we still love so go to hell Iban Mayo's climbing record. Forza Ricco the Snake--Cobra, whatever--anyway, you oughta be juuuust fine when yer ban is up in 2024!
Already annoyed with the hype (including mine) over the Tour? Still just a little heartbroken every day that the Giro d'Italia's over? Me too! Well, it ain't three weeks long yet, but the women's Giro d'Italia is here, with an all-star field, some bitchin' roads, and no stupid Lance Armstrong questions at the daily press conference! So what to expect:
The Course: 9 stages plus a 2.5k--I swear it--maglia-rosa-startin' prologue! 2 opening sprint-n-circuit stages, with a climb and some KOM points on stage 1; more flats on stage 4; a cat 2 climb and an uphill finish on stage 3; a touching tribute to Marco Pantani to Romagna on stage 5. On stage 6: yeeeee-haaaaaah, we hit the Alps, honey, with a cat 1 Pian del Cansiglio and a swift descent to the finish; mostly flat with an uphill end to stage 7; and stage 8 is the Queen, with an air-gaspin' finale on the cat 1 San Domenico di Varzo! Yer last chance: stage 9, ending the race on the hallowed Ghisallo. Forza donne!
The Riders: oh yes, defending champ/United Healthcare goddess Mara Abbott's gonna be defending her maglia rosa with a great squad, but she's not the only with eyes (and legs!) on the prizes: the smashing field includes near-unbeatable Marianne Vos, ever-tough Emma Pooley, Tatiana Guderzo, Fabiana Luperini, Silvia Cecchini, 2012 double Olympic bronze medalist Olga Zabelinskaya (whew, I'm getting tired here, I should've broken this down by category), Kirsten Wild, Lizzie Armitstead, Emma Johansson, and, of course, my personal fave, rocketeer and general bad!@# Giorgia Bronzini. Watch out for Georgia in the sprints, Mara to keep her overall, and Vos--well, better watch out for her *everywhere*! But here, UHC and Mara throw it *down*:
The Jerseys: Five jersey to rule them all, including the GC's maglia rosa, white for Young Rider, blue for Best Italian Rider (and holy crap, is there a *huge* talent pool to slug it out for that), blazin' hot pink for Best Sprinter, and green for Queen o' the Mountains. Gentle plea to Marianne: you might wanna give someone else a chance at at least *one* of 'em!
The Song: finally, lest you think the Giro Rosa hasn't got an official song, grab yer glow stick, pump up the volume, and get ready to party as jimmygianmario starts us off!
Forza Maraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!: yep, another Giro Donne is behind us, and after a sweet comeback by Marianne Vos after her other-day's bonk over speed-demon Giorgia Bronzini in a sprint, bangin' US climber/general all-rounder Mara Abbott bagged her second career Giro Rosa win. Even more impressive, when you think of it--she battled back after a full year off the bike to handle a body-crushing eating disorder to remain one of the sport's great champs. What a triumph--and I'm already looking forward to seeing her go for a third Giro next year!
It's Il Podio!: Also winning the maglie: the ciclomino Points classification to Marianne Vos, the GPM green jersey to Mara, bianca Young Rider's to Francesca Cauz, and blu best Italian rider to the great Tatiana Guderzo. Complimenti a tutti! Amazing feat o' the Giro: two-time champ Marianne Vos took her 16th stage win this year. Compare that to Cav's stellar 20-odd wins he's racked up in the Tour de France--which is, after all, three times as long--and you're left with one conclusion: where the !@#$ is this woman's giant bronze statue, and why doesn't *she* get throw a crying-baby hissy hit whenever she loses for a jillion euros a year? Here, Marianne grabs stage 7:
Suck Result o' the Race: in bummin' news, Italian legend/5x winner Fabiana Luperini, DQ'd outta the race in stage because, apparently, her bike was 200 grams too light. Please tell me these riders aren't subject to the same UCI weight rules as those in the men's peloton whose bikes are like 100 centimeters bigger! Damn technicalities...
And, Yer Final Podium: Woo-hoo Mara, Tatiana, and Claudia!
'S Wonderful/'S Mara-velous: yes, with Stage 7 already underway, prior champ Mara Abbott made it a two-fer yesterday at the Giro Rosa with another blazing uphill triumph, as even the indomitable Marianne Vos finally cracked on the mountain, attributing her high-passes bonk and blown GC to a changed training regime that's got her focused more on mountain biking this year and, to be fair, *still* leaving her able to win almost every race she sets her pedals on. Geez, if this is her "weak," everyone else on two wheels ought just stay home entirely when she's not! Meantime, as they right passed through her hometown, the race paid particular tribute to injured-but-still-race-lovin' 2012 Giro Best Young Rider Elisa Longo Borghini. Here, yesterday's roundup as Mara grabs the (latest) victory: Today, Giorgia Bronzini and the other sprinters go for blood. My fave source this year for great GiroRosa coverage: Jen @ _Gavia_. Thank you Jen!
Temper, Temper!: y'know how you're in some big-box store the size of Austria and some HORRID SCREAMING CHILD 10 internal kilometers away in the TRAUMATIC-FOR-NO-REASON- AISLE starts howling in a TOTAL SENSELESS BLOOD-CURDLING MELTDOWN for like 10 minutes like some GODAWFUL DEMON-SPAWN FIRE-ALARM and you have to shove your nearly full giant cart in the detergent section and run traumatized outta the store before you jam chopsticks in your eardrums JUST TO STOP THE AGONY? Yeah, so that's how OPQuickStep handles Mark Cavendish on the team bus when he loses a stage! And then, after his head's spun around 360 degrees he's ejected some poor sod out the window to his doom and he's spewed a bunch of acidic bile all over the walls, he becomes, his DS assures us, a "good lad" again and is right cheery around the dinner table. Hey, I'd be happy too, if everyone was too freakin' scared to contradict me! Oh, Cav, it's so *nice* to see you getting back to your old self...
Climb Every Mountain (Or Team Sky Will Eat You For Lunch): and yes, it's finally the mountains at the Tour, baby! Yap, yap, Froome--what I want to know is, (2) is Purito gonna show us he's in contention this Tour de France and (2) can Contador truly dance on the pedals like he used to, or can he merely mark right now and save his hopes for the last week's Alps? Me, with guilty pleasure Vino out of the picture, a shameful, dirty part o' me can't help but root for that hornet-in-UCI's-pantaloons, Alejandro Valverde. As for Cadel, I think he'll be just fine. But you faithful readers can all (well, both) prove how wrong I am in a coupla hours!
Independence Day Is Right!: yes, it took 2010 Giro champ Mara Abbott to do it, but *someone* finally beat Marianne Vos this year, taking both the stage and the maglia rosa on a smashing July 4th attack. Video up soon. Woo-hoo Mara you Amazon! One gentle gripe: can we *please* get some low-class disrespectful smack-talk in the women's peloton so I needn't be so cheerful all the time? I'm feelin' like a freakin' smurf over here!
Andy's Doomed: well, that settles Andy Schleck's Tour, and probably the rest of his career: he's just got the news that RadioSkank-almost-Trek has shed big brother Frank just in time to keep him outta a post-ban Vuelta and completely psych Andy out of any positive result (not that kind of positive, you cynics!) the rest of the season til they find someone that'll take the Wonder Twins as a two-fer. Andy, I hate to break it to you, but he's gotta retire sometime. Oh, Frank, I *told* you diuretics were no good...
Now *That's* A Top Ten List: bored of such upbeat sycophantic endeavors as "Top 10 Riders of All Time" and "Top Ten Ways Jens Is Gonna Dope-Slap The Entire Peloton Into Crying Mewling Babies Without Even Meaning To"? Well, it's L'Equipe's Top Ten Doping Excuses! The best of the gnarliest: far too explicit for a delicate lady such as myself to explain here, but let's just say it makes Bjorn "I Did It All for the Nookie" Leukemans look like a blushing schoolboy just about to hurl his first spitball at his beloved. Me, in addition to Simoni's glorious "(Ubiquitous Brand)'s Cocaine Kisses" and Alberto's "Drug-Sucking Cow" excuse, I think one did have to admire in a nauseated way the simple sport-destroying vitriol of Lance's "YOU CHALLENGE ME AGAIN AND I'LL SLAM YOUR HEAD INTO THAT URINAL!" just-blatant-threats tactics. Well, we're *gonna* have a poz this Tour--do any of you miscalculating morons wanna take a crack at making the list this year?
Andre the Giant: and, congrats to Andre Greipel and former Cav helper/trusty lead-out Hendy for a bangin' sprint at the Tour today. Anyone else notice that green jersey Peter Sagan is startin' to look just a liiiiittle bit peeved on the podium of late? Just think of all those random movie-reference line-crossing gestures going to waste! Well, Hulk, pancake-flat isn't really your terrain anyway--and you can always look forward to leaving Cav in the dust in the mountains! Here, he celebrates (because I still can't get any video): Allez Gorilla!
Can't get enough of the fabulous Giro d'Italia? Me neither! But despair no more, maglia rosa freaks--it's the women's Giro d'Italia, and it sets off this weekend! The score:
What Is It?: 8 stages of spills, chills, and hi--the hell they are, they're mountains, baby! 13 more stages and we've got ourselves the Giro these smashing riders deserve--but I'm very, very grateful for what we've got!
Who's In it?: the last 4, that's 4, winners of the race: reigning champ Marianne Vos, USA's Mara Abbott, Claudia Hausler, and legendary *five* time champ Fabiana Luperini (eat that, Froomey!). Also on hand (well, wheel): a host of great Aussies including Chloe Hosking; US' Evelyn Stevens; ever-bad-!@#es Ina-Yoko Teutenberg and Giorgia Bronzini; Trixi Worrack; and pretty much everyone else in the women's peloton who can make your legs scream and the rest o' you beg for mercy. Onwards to the fireworks!
What's In It: a coupla stages for the sprinters (1 and 7), some great chances for a bold solo attack or a break (2 and 4), no shortage of uphills (3 and a potentially-decisive 6), a monster Cat-1 climb up Monte Beigua to cap the queen stage 5, and a down-to-the-wire last-day individual TT. All hail the Queen!
Where Can I Find It: the website's here. The twit-feed's @GiroRosa2013. RAI's got it on TV, and for the rest of it, well, we'll likely mostly be scrounging it on youtube. So we'll be posting video right here at racejunkie, too!
What Else Is Especially Bitchin' About It: It's got a theme song! It's got a mascot! and best of all, it's partnering with the Marina Romoli foundation, a nonprofit started by Romoli after a catastrophic bike accident that's dedicated to helping cyclists with spinal cord injuries. Forza, Marina! Here, the music video:
Well, it's on the Giro Rosa. And with this field, how the hell am I supposed to pick who to root for?
Chapeau, Sylvain!: y'know, just as I was explaining to a few dear family members how exactly it is the French haven't even won their own Tour for 25 years, comes boys like Sylvain Chavanel and Jerome Pineau to restore my faith that they're almost certain to win it again before the start of the next millenium. Toss in a win for Sandy Casar if he don't get taken out by a dog again and we've darn near got us a renaissance! Of course, Bweeguh BBox Whateverthehell promptly reignited the ashes of perpetual French self-destruction by ruthlessly hunting down their own countrymen like it was Armstrong in the lead, but I'm sure it was a brilliant tactical move in the end. Oh, to hear the brave chords of the Marsellaise again at the top of the podium in Paris...well, in the interim they can always figure out a way to give another tribute to the worthy Bernard Hinault instead!
Run! Run for Your Life!: in other news, I don't know who the heck the dim-bulb photog was who thought right in front of Robbie "Head-Butt" McEwen's front wheel was a nice place to take a stroll, but our boy is still sore and, worse, irked today so if I were him I'd catch the next flight out of France and parachute into some remote jungle 'til Robbie calms down round about the middle of next year: Can this guy *ever* catch a break this year?
Catfight!: meantime, in an even worse example for the kiddies than Cavendish's tantrums, Boonen's former coke-snorting escapades and Armstrong's total lack of sportsmanship and class, a mildly put-out Carlos Barredo whanged his wheel repeatedly onto the head of elbow-jousting Rui Costa, proving that there's no misunderstanding between respectable professionals that can't be solved by impaling the jagged edge of a busted carbon bike part into someone else's brain stem. Your moms must be *so* proud--put these boys into cheap miniskirts and hooker heels, and they'd be right at home on any VH1 reality show!
In Quasi-Defense of Floyd Landis--Now Hear Me Out!: yes, as we all know, everyone from the fans to the sponsors to the One himself are in deep-implausible-denial mode over the explosive Wall Street Journal revelations of US Postal/Armstrong doping hijinks, with Interpol now on Lance's !@#, Hincapie and Hamilton called in by the federales, and Landis justly reviled as a lying, self-serving scum-pig. Still, in the interests of consistency, I think it's high time we forgiving souls here at racejunkie do the unthinkable: give 'im credit where credit is due. Now hold on before you start swearing at me! Landis is a weasel and a general tool. And while pursuing his claim of innocence was just a more hysterical version of the typical doped-cyclist jerkiness, it was in fact particularly odious of this loathesome creature to set up, seek out, and worst of all accept, money from some really lovely, faithful people who mostly made a hell of lot less money than him working a hell of a lot harder for it--and no, calling it the "Floyd Fairness Fund" not the "Floyd Innocence Fund" as some ween technocrat suggested does not excuse the disgusting dishonesty deliberately implied by the lack of the correct title, the "Floyd Get My Filthy Slimedwelling Carcass Off On a Bull!@#$ Technicality Fund," which Landis would clearly have known would've brought in waaaaay less ill-acquired dough. So why am I giving Landis credit for *anything* except being a swinemeister? Because (1) does anyone really think Lance never did *any* of it? and (2) at least Floyd, unlike every other rat, copped to his pathetic motives, specifically that he's accusing Lance not out of any sense of conscience or remorse--which he still seems not to have--but because he's pissed off he got busted when other guilty riders never did. Petty? Yep. Characterless? Ding ding--we have a winner! But I've sworn before I'd at least minimally respect these disgraces if they were just open about that, and gosh darn it, we're stickin' to it. So Floyd, take comfort--you've just earned a ticket out of eternal hell and into hell's eternally dull waiting room instead!
Up, Up with People!: finally, as the boys get ready to tackle the first serious shakeout mountain stage tomorrow--and it'll be interesting to see how baby Schleck hangs in without big bro Frank's help in the highest passes--the Giro Donne has already hit its Queen stage, conquering the fearsome Stelvio and crowning great US climber Mara Abbott as the likely winner at the final day. Also looking awesome: world road race Tatiana Guderzo. Forza, donne!
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Woo-hoo Mara, Tatiana, and Claudia!
My fave source this year for great GiroRosa coverage: Jen @ _Gavia_. Thank you Jen!
Allez Gorilla!
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