Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Wiggo Throws a Bone; Horner Dodges, Demands; Lance Wants to Lie Less, and More!

The Fast and the Forgiving: yep, just as Brad Wiggins was a near shoo-in for this year's Giant Peloton Whiner Award, he's not only redeemed his miserable season by a blazing confidence-restoring time trial at the Tour of Britain, he's even reached out (sorta, indirectly) by gamely saying that even though he'd rather be slathered in honey and tied to a starving hill o' fire ants than have to be nice to Froomey, he's still going to work for the backstabbing glory-hog like a trouper in the Worlds road race. I gotta give it to Brad, that's kinda sweet! Well, we'll see if Brad gives it to Chris Froome in the road race...Chris, you might want to get at least one other teammate in between you and Wiggo at all times, just in case!

What? I Can't Hear You? I Think We've Got a Bad Connection: meantime, as speculation runs rampant that newly-crowned 2013 Vuelta champ Chris Horner is the notorious dope-sucking "Rider 15" named to the narcs, Horner was luckily caught on the phone at a completely inconvenient time and unable to answer unpleasant questions twice by cyclingnews' intrepid reporter, leaving everyone to think (1) he's understandably tired and wanted to get home and (2)exactly what they already thought about that evil cheating drug-stuffed piece of--uh, this thrilling example of the triumph of the human spirit, anyway. At the same time, our still contract-less Grand Tour winner is reportedly in negotiations with Alonso's new Euskaltel, allegedly demanding a cool 1.4 million to drag the outfit down in scandal'n'flames before it even st--uh, shoot the team straight to the top of the ProTour next year. Jaysus, Alonso, you couldn'ta just chipped in and preserved our actual dear Euskaltel if you were gonna blow that kinda dough on one guy?

Look Who's Talking (If It Makes Him Look Better Compared To Some Other Guys): and, I don't know about you, but I am touched--*deeply* touched--by Lance Armstrong's newly-stated heartfelt desire to cleanse his wounded remorseful soul and tell even less lies than he's already lied about already, if other riders'll make him look like less of an !@#hole by speaking up too, which is exactly the kind of openness that will continue to heal this sport and--hey--where's the rest of the peloton going? We're all truth'n'reconciling now! Right here! Guys? Guys?

No, No, It's Perfectly Fine For a Major Road Race to Run in Traffic: finally, over in the ever-jacked women's peloton, recriminations continue to fly for this week's ultimately disastrous Giro della Toscana in which half the field refused to complete the race, thereby screwing their own training preparations for the Worlds, just because a bunch of high-maintenance uppity spandex "riders" pettily objected to some dumb!@# thing like "personal safety." Unreasonable evian-sipping prima donnas! Next thing you know, the stupid *guys'll* demand that the roads be cleared for *their* races. Oh, wait...

1 comment:

Rosemary said...

Do I recall Cavendish complaining about a race where they opened roads before everyone was finished. In Australia, perhaps?