Monday, March 24, 2008

Say It Ain't Klo'!

Back in the Tour My !@#: yep, the very same day Astana wipes the tarmac with all comers in the Vuelta a Castilla y Leon time trial (including the boy at issue here in a respectable twelfth) in a handsome dig at the bitter wanky egomaniacs over at ASO who insist on Unibattering them out of the Grand Boucle over an entirely unrelated snit with the bitter wanky egomaniacs at UCI, we-still-love-Andreas Kloden-so-go-to-hell-the-lot-of-you-besides-there's-hardly-anyone-left-untainted-in-the -peloton has admitted that he was prescribed and took "vitamins" from the fine'n'spotless T-Mobile doctors at the University of Freiburg clinic in 2000. !@#$%^&&*! Okay, the Astana spokesman swears that Klodi swears that's all he took, which unfortunately even I must concede I buy (no matter what Kloden himself was told by the Drs. Frankenstein) to the exact extent I believe that the skin patches Manolo Saiz whacked on his Liberty Seguros proteges (cough! no one I can think of in particular cough!) like temporary tattoos from a Cracker Jacks box were merely packed with moisturizers to soothe the poor babes' sensitive sunburned skin. Still, despite the team's warm if surely temporary words of support, Klodi's already got a date with Johan Bruyneel tomorrow to discuss the situation, which I imagine is ultimately likely to lead to the sort of "voluntary resignation" one hands in when one's alternative is voluntarily getting one's legs run over with the team car. On the other hand, 2000 was a long, long time ago--and the sport's been free of doping scandals since then, right?

What is so Rare as a Day in June?: for one thing, the odds that Floyd Landis gets to ride the Tour de France again before he fossilizes even if he wins his freakin' appeal, as CAS closes up shop on his hearing but promises, in the interests of careful study of the evidence which at least earns them some points, to issue a verdict just in time to ensure poor Floyd has absolutely zero chance of coming up with a squad in time for the (hell, any) race. Apropos of absolutely nothing, I see that Free-Iban-Mayo's verdict is currently running about 3 weeks late, but I'm sure there's nothing to worry about there, either. Ummm...anyone....anyone...

Okay, I was gonna go all nuts over Emma Pooley's smashing win against a brutal field in the World Cup's Trofeo Alfredo Binda, including Nicole Brandli, reigning world champ Marta Bastianelli, Kristin Armstrong and Oenone Wood, and wax all poetic about quiet little Sastre's reserved optimism for the season ahead, and of course swoon over Euskaltel-Euskadi's daring early-season attacks, and gently point out to the advertising department over at Vs. that the endlessly-hyped fact that Lance Armstrong's running the Boston Marathon still isn't gonna improve the waning Tour de France ratings, but frankly, right now I'm just too irked. Damn, Klodi, you couldn't've had the sense to meet those two dope-pushing dirtbags in a nice discreet alley somewhere?!

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