Goofus and Gallant

Lessons in Diplomacy: formally responding to UCI political analyst Pat "Dick" McQuaid's freakish take on Mafia-nation doping conspiracy theories by letter, the head of the Italian cycling federation gently took McQuaid to task, noting he makes unfounded accusations against some countries, while "fawning" over others to sow discord, when indeed many national federations are working together diligently with UCI to stop doping and by the way he is quite proud to be Italian, and despite Pat's oafishness encourages dialogue among the parties. Note to Pat: telling other countries they're part of a murderous organized crime network, even if it's only on the deliberate doping syndicate side, does *not* constitute dialogue.

Speaking of Which: WADA has announced its preliminarily revised anti-doping code, which helpfully includes doubling the penalties on riders whose doping is found to have been part of a wider doping scheme. Congratulations, WADA, you obsequious management-sucking tools, you've managed to completely avoid holding the right parties responsible again! If they're part of a "wider doping scheme," you nits, might not your double secret probation tactics be better aimed at the party (teams! *cough* teams!) actually responsible for setting up the program?! Impressively, WADA has also managed to rid the system of that bothersome due process entirely, allowing riders to be busted without even a positive test if there's third party testimony to justify it. It's nice that you're openly inviting people to take out their vendettas against each other, particularly against the better riders who might pose a threat to a team or another rival, by crap testimony and innuendos--what the hell are you even thinking, WADA?

Jan Ullrich Contract Watch: As *if*. Born-again bleach-clean T-Mobile, though, gamely wasting no opportunity to justify completely imploding their own team this past season, has dope-slapped poor Jan yet again by saying that it wouldn't take Jan back even if the DNA test comparing the Fuentes blood bags completely clears him--they've seen the Op Puerto docs and know he's guilty anyway. Y'know, at this point, I'm getting to be on Jan's side even if I see him actively injecting EPO into his @#$ right in front of me. What is it with this disproportionate slamming of one alleged doper among dozens by the entire planet? While we're at it, if you've still got a deal out there Jan, please, for the love of God, SIGN!