Tuesday, August 20, 2019

It's Yer Vuelta a Espana in Preview, Part Dos: the GC Contenders!

Frankly, I've had enough of teams and riders treating the fabulous Vuelta as the last choice on a filet-mignon-lobster-limp pile of yesterday's suspect shellfish buffet.  But lucky for us, enough bangin' climbers *do* consider this enough of a playground that we've actually got a real race here, so bite it, haters!  So who've we got (and not)?  These guys!

1. The absent: Let's get this outta the way: last year's reigning champ, whichever Yates that is, is not defending his title.  Ingrate!  Also absent: Chris Froome--either recovering from a grotesque injury or laughing his nuts off as he hides his millions in a nameless bank at an undisclosed Caribbean hideaway before he disappears entirely off the grid before the narcs can bust his !@#; Tom Dumoulin, still recovering both from an actual injury and a bad breakup with Team Sunweb (though already on the rebound with Jumbo Visma); Romain Bardet, nursing a crappy dispirited end to his season and hopefully refreshing for next year; and Mikel Landa, who as you all know should've set this as his season objective instead of the Tour de France.  Last year's podium finisher Enric Mas. Dan Martin, who surprised darn near everyone I imagine with his 2020 move to ICA.  Okay, enough space blown on the lazy no-shows--on, in no particular order, to the players!

2. Nairo Quintana.  Honestly--Arkea-Samsic?  WTF is*that*?  Anyway, since he threw the fans into a total redemption frenzy just by not passive-aggressively sucking wheels on 1 outta 21 stages at the Tour for chrissakes, he'll probably win it just to punish Unzue for COMPLETELY CODDLING HIM FOR YEARS WITH NO RETURN and to piss me off.  Argh!

3. Richard Carapaz: he won the Giro, most politely.  He's Ineos-bound, so he might as well enjoy his career while he can before it inevitably flames.  He did well at the Vuelta a Burgos.  And, he doesn't owe Quintana a !@#damn thing.  If Nairo doesn't sabotage him and Valverde feels like helping, he's got a fighting chance.  If not, you can certainly count on a stage win!

4. Alejandro Valverde: wait, now hear me out!  He's wearing number 1 with last year's top two staying home.  He's *won* this race before.  And lest anyone still around from the 13th century when he was born think his age is still a problem, we got PhilGil over there signing a new (well, re-new) gig with Lotto 'til *he's* older'n Moses, so who sez geezerhood is an obstacle?  Plus, he is one *wily* s.o.b.  Downside: his tendency towards catastrophic one-day meltdowns.  Just don't lose your !@#$ in the mountains, Bala!

5. Miguel Angel Lopez: yeah, I *know* Jakob Fuglsang is riding for Astana.  But this is Miguel's terrain, he's won stages at the Vuelta before, *and* he's got both Izagirres to stomp the field into submission in the high Basque passes.  Just don't forget to let one of those boys take a stage win Miguel!

6. Primoz Roglic: beats me how a freakin' ski jumper is suited to the brutal sun of the Vuelta climbs, but here he is, and I expect a decent--if not necessarily winning, because I can't fathom the certainty the rest of the internet seems to have on this point--show.  We'll see if he can hold on for three weeks--and if Kruijswijk's legs don't pose a threat from his teammate!

7. Esteban Chavez: He's been *tired* this season, no?  with occasional flashes of excellence, and a recent boost to his self-esteem from his Giro d'Italia stage win.  Let's hope he can keep up the excellence part, and end up with a *reason* for being so smiley!

8. Rigoberto Uran: Yeah, me neither.  But he can sure aim for the podium, and EF's backing him up with a bangin' squad.  And really, *wouldn't* you love it if he surprised us all?

Alrighty, them's my picks--and yes, UAE's Aru and Pogacar are riding, too.  So with just the stage hunters to round up, c'mon, let's get this show on the *road* already!


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