Rio Whaaaaat? It's Yer Vuelta a Espana in Preview, Part Tres: the 'Nother Guys, and Roundup Stuff! #LV2016

We've got the course down. We've got the GC. What *don't* we have? Damn right, everybody *else* who's going hell-bent for leather for sunburnt glory, and all the last minute news, unfounded gossip, and prurient speculation you need (well, probably don't need) to know! Ergo:

The Missing: Who's *not* here? Tragically, not Froome, but even more tragically, these guys: Sky's Mikel Landa with a "hip injury", which can only mean one of two things: (1) he's got a hip injury, or (2) those !@#$ers at Sky have corrupted 'im. It better be option (1), Brailsford you goon! Also out: defending 2015 campeon Fabio Aru, and last year's bizarro-world revelation Tom Dumoulin, who, frankly, has no business in Vuelta terrain anyway, except maybe lounging in a folding chair by the roadside with a crisp glass of rose' and a nice luncheon with the other fans cheering the *riders* on. Worst of all, Purito--WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

The Sprinters: all right, you hard-core Vuelta freaks, quit laughin'! Yes, despite the wholesale bail-out of those sprinters with better sense, there *are* a few at this race, at least until Cavondonga sends them whimpering home like a kid who just got a bagful o' broccoli and Brussels sprouts for trick-or-treat on Halloween. Tyler Farrar (Dimension Data), who, late word has it, has even more epic hair this year than Marcel Kittel. (bite me! we still love him!). Reigning Spanish road race champ JJ Rojas (Movistar). Master o' Suavity Benna-Jet (Tinkoff). Uh...other guys! Oh, poor dears, at least they've thrown a *few* stages in there for you...just pretend all those mountains are--nope, I got nuthin', it's all an uphill death march and you're gonna be feelin' it!

The Stage Hunters: look, unless Froome's teammates chew their shoes off the pedals to free themselves from the trap they're in, they ain't getting let out for a stage win unless and until Froome *says* they can. And frankly, he won't. Sorry boys--it's "Vive la Revolucion" and you overthrow your captain, or you're hosed! Guys who actually have a chance: for the breaks and roleurs, Philippe Gilbert (BMC). LL Cool Sanchez (Astana). Michal Kwiatkowski, Peter Kennaugh--oops, they're Sky, they're doomed! Tejay Van Garderen (BMC), who's usually pegged for GC but is begging off in favor of Samuel Sanchez and hoping for a breakaway stage win instead (can you imagine, say, Cav and his huge ego doing that for someone else)? Andrew Talansky, and yes, I know you all want him for the overall. And did I mention I just plain like Rein Taaramae whether you seriously think he's gonna bag a win or not? For the truly climbiest, besides the GC contenders we covered already: Darwin Atapuma (BMC). Damn, they've got a bangin' squad this year! Pierre Rolland (Cannondale). We love ex-Euskaltel's Igor Anton (Dimension Data). Markel Irizar from Trek, an ex-Carrot--natch!(and we still love you Haimar Zubeldia!) Everyone at Caja Rural. And of course, the canny s.o.b. Michele Scarponi (Astana) who, having buried himself (and parked his bony !@# on the side of the road for 15 hours to help his leader) for his team at the last Grand Tour, and with no other road captain at the Vuelta to speak of, will surely have more than a few rocket-fueled cracks at the summit. Last but not least: by this year's results, whatever 6-foot-8 hulking Dutch weightlifter they stick in at the last minute to absolutely obliterate 2017 Paris-Roubaix champ Nairo Quintana. How do you say "Red Jersey" in Dutch again?

The Forecast: yeah, it's boring and I'm a ween. But it *matters*, first off because the poor Belgians're gonna spontaneously combust once they hit the unfiltered sun and heat of the Basque mountains, and second, 'cause it can determine the race. Sadly, the forecast for tomorrow's team time trial is lovely, meaning it's too late to back out of it now, suckers!

Roundup Stuff!: finally, as the cycling portion of the Rio Olympics winds down, let's take a moment to celebrate Peter Sagan's if not win, at least highly entertaining continuous-wheelie ride in the mountain bike competition, as well as his shiny new medals in the kierin, team pursuit, omnium, BMX, and the men's and women's road race even though he wasn't actually riding 'em. Nice work there Saganator! Meantime, Mark Cavendish profusely apologized for "not whacking into that bloody wanker hard en--uh, that accident!" And, for those of you just itchin' for early news of the Worlds, please be advised that giant and deceptively friendly German Andre Greipel has already informed his nation that's he not !@#damn going there to share team captaincy, which, I presume, is German for "wash my shorts and carry my chamois cream, Kittel you wuss!" Ah, our beloved cycling--now, get out your Basque flags, don't you dare ever root for Alejandro Valverde, and Alberto, it's time to stick it to that !@#hat Oleg Tinkov and take on the top podium spot in the Vuelta!

It's Yer Tour de France in Preview, Part Trois: the Sprinters! #letour

Yes, unlike our beloved Giro and Vuelta, where sprints are what you do before you get on with the *real* racing, the Tour de France is a veritable playground for the sugared-up irrepressible adrenalin-junkie fast kids, with a good 1/3 of the Tour to get their speed on. Also in the mix: the green "points" or sprinter's jersey, which Peter Sagan better win because even though it's lame compared to the maillot jaune Oleg Tinkov wants *some* return on investment on his showy one-boy money pit. So who's going for glory? These guys!

Mark Cavendish: the Manx Missile's had only a so-so season, and frankly seems a bit dispirited since his 2014 season-long thrashing by Marcel Kittel, but Cav looked on grand form last year for July before crashing out with a dislocated shoulder in the 2014 Tour. Result? The man is out for *revenge*, and even without his intimidating palmares and low bull!@#$ tolerance from other riders, a pissed-off Cav is liable to chew your head off right along with your legs as he takes out his anger to the line. Just so's the rest of you stay out of biting range of those big teeth you oughta survive the sprints--better a lost stage than a lost body part, for sure!

Andre "the Gorilla" Greipel: he's big, he's strong, and the Lurch o' the peloton, tho' low-key, can still stomp out a win (and accidentally his rivals) under his big carcass without even noticing. Plus, his squad's been on fine form this season. We love you, ya big lug--I'm sure there's at least one stage win in your near future!

Nacer Bouhanni: oh, sure, he *just* hit the deck hard--so hard he had to pose butt-nekkid as a jaybird to prove it. But he's decided to do the Tour de France anyway, he had a smashing early season, and who needs a properly functioning "ribcage" or "cartilage" to, y'know, breathe enough to sprint? If he can hang on long enough to really heal up, hell yes there's hope!

Tyler Farrar: shut up! Can so either!

Michael "Bling" Matthews: has this kid been having a *season*, or what? He's obliterated the field in half the races this part of the season, and has an excellent lead out to boot. Go Bling!

Peter Sagan: he can climb, he can sprint, he can cost Oleg Tinkov 4.3 million euro--but what he *can't* do is justify his wormlike existence to vengeful team boss King Oleg after blowing his highly-touted and clearly overhyped Classics season. So will the Saganator have the mental fortitude to hold it together in the Tour, particularly with his squad's (!@#damn well better be) focus on Contador grabbing the whole Tour? Well, Peter's been doing pretty well again lately--but then, it apparently helps when he's separated from Oleg by a good coupla continents, and if Alberto does well, you *know* Tinkov's gonna be there for 24/7 yellow jersey photobombs!

The 'Nother Guys: yeah, there's Boassen Haagen Dazs, Degenkolb, and a handful of other cobbles-friendly strongmen, but pure sprints aren't necessarily their thing. But if they can ditch Cav out the autobus on some of those hilly midsections, there's room to play for other boys!

Out: Cav archrival--and best competitor--2014 bad-!@# Marcel "the Hair" Kittel, and reportedly so ticked about it he's trying to leave Giant "Doping for Hair" (a slogan discreetly dropped for the Tour) Alpecin. Yep, as with Nibs' 2014 GC win, every 2015 sprint victory'll always seem a little bit unearned--and Cav, now you got *no* excuses!

Well, we got the roleurs and climbeurs still left to go--and then, it's on to the Tour!

Omloop-de-loop: It's Classics Season, Beeyotches! And, E3 Harelbeke Fixes It All #cycling

Woot Woot!: yes, cycling fans, now that the peloton's had the chance to stretch their legs, test their form, explode their tires and get sand-whipped into whimpering nubs by the early-season desert races, it's time for Belgian Classics season to begin, and we're off with the teaser Omloop Het Nieuwsblad on Saturday, and the thrillin' Kuurne-Brussels-Kuurne on Sunday. Contenders: first, last year's respective champs surprise Ian Stannard, and TOM !@#$IN' BOONEN baby! Other hunters: Greg Van Avermaet, Sep Vanmarcke, Niki Terpstra (don't even think of screwing Tommeke, twerp!), Mark Cavendish, basically every other rider in Belgium, and, ever-hopeful but rather-tippy Tyler Farrar. Me, I'd completely dig Tyler stomping the naysayers, but we love Tom apparently hasn't Omloop on his palmares, so that's who I'm rooting for for Saturday. Allez allez Tornado Tooooooom! Here, he bags (of course) Kuurne last year: Toooooooooooom!

TuttoBitchin': and, what a thrilla to see our beloved Boston get a shout-out from our beloved Tuttobiciweb, in the form of an intrepid cyclist's snow-tunnel: Or wait, is the Stelvio stage from last year's Giro? Naw, that guy's way too big to be Nairo...

T!@s and A!@: finally, huge redemption by the fine gents at E3 Harelbeke, who, after their grossly offensive and piglike ad featuring a distinctly unhilarious riff on Peter Sagan's ol' grab-!@# routine, showed their true and sensitive understanding of the issue by pulling the adv--uh, REMOVING THE UCI LOGO FROM THE AD. When confronted about the continued use of the picturesque banners, baffled Harelbeke chief Hugh Hefner responded, "of *course* it's sexy!" Sex*ist*, sex*ist*, you irredeemable clown!

Give Samuel Sanchez a Contract, Dammit! #HireSamuNow

You Blow, BMC!: so, here we love ex-Euskaltel god/Olympic gold medalist Samuel Sanchez is, busting his works as a superdomestique for Philippe and Cadel all season without complaint, and what does he get? Right, treated like the laundry guy's own rancid sock-washer and without a damn contract with *anyone* much less a World Tour squad when all the decent dough's already been sucked up for next season! Dang, I'd get it if like BMC had to pull a Lampre on his !@# and ditch 'im like Horner because he had to get pulled for unfortunate drug levels or something, but really? The guy who was sixth in this year's Vuelta, despite being some egregiously decaying geezer? Who's faithfully exhausted the field in the mountains all season in service of his team leaders? Well the hell with you ungrateful freaks, I'm starting a campaign. #HireSamuNow, or may endless noogies bedevil your days!

I'm On Top of the World!: and, Bjarne Riis is apparently tranferring his sadistic old CSC team-building philosophy to the innocent boys of Tinkoff-Saxo, forcing them into treacherous a 4,000 meter march up Mount Kilimanjaro, where Oleg Tinkov, who will already have twice conquered the summit earlier that same morning, will reward them by kicking the loser stragglers back down the mountain off the rockface before making everyone else left drop and give him fifty pushups. Now, if a desperate struggle to survive doesn't decide whether Alberto or Sagan is really the year's team captain, what could? Well, good luck and happy trails to the lot of you, and watch out Sagan--we already know who's the better climber of you two!

Good Pick MTN-Qhubeka!: finally, huge congrats to Tyler Farrar, whose snap-up by up-n-coming MTN-Qhubeka got his head and his legs right back in the ol' sprinting game with a bangin' win at the Tour of Beijing in his last race in Garmin kit. Welcome back Tyler--here's to more of *this* in 2015 (hello we love Phil Liggett)!

Schleck! Nibali! Tinkov! Astana! Nairo! Tyler! Just Buckets o' Roundup #cycling

A Sigh Is But a Sigh: okay, now that everyone's had a day or two to simmer down from the mourning, adulation, and general freakout over the sad injury-driven retirement of former CSC shooting star/next Great Grand Tour Hope/one-time Liege-Bastogne-Liege winner Andy Schleck, let's talk straight--poor baby Schleck's heart seemed out of the game even *before* he got so badly and repeatedly hurt, particularly under the beastly ministrations of a frustrated Lance-less Johan Bruyneel, whose constant public motivational speeches like "ride, you lazy weakling b!tch!" failed to help the sensitive Andy get his mojo risin'. Indeed, one of Schleck's most notable results of his post-CSC career was convincing everyone Alberto Contador was an unbearable lowlife punk-!@# and Andy was a saint over the ostensibly Tour-deciding "Chaingate," when Andy's own brother Frank had similarly attacked Alberto like a wank when *he* had a mechanical in the very same race. Still, to be fair to the boy's prowess, it was rather astonishing at Andy's peak to watch such a gangly kid scale the heights so tenaciously, it's a pretty rare thing that a guy who repeatedly podiumed at the Tour and technically won the thing in 2010 is considered a disappointment, and while it is probably correct that he lacked some of the freakish mental impermeability so necessary to sustain a dominating Grand Tour career, if he can't compete I sure hope he and his knee are up to getting a bike ride in now and then for the pleasure of it. In bocca al lupo Andy, hope the real world is kind to you!

Nibali v. Tinkov: meantime, reigning Tour champ Vincenzo "Don't What-If Me, You !@#holes!" Nibali has slugged back at Oleg Tinkov's million-euro triple-Grand Challenge, pointing out that not only does he hardly need the money, but *he* cares about spending time with his family you narcissistic megalomaniac *and* he'd put the money if he had it towards starting a youth-development cycling program anyway. Take *that*, Daddy Warbucks! Still, the team directors--always a cash-hungry sponsor-whoring bunch by necessity--seem less concerned with the personal toll on their riders but at least rather concerned about the public-relations and sponsor-angering implications of injuring one of their prized racehorses like Nairo Quintana before their actual main Grand Tour goal of the season. Aw, we already know that Alberto Contador can slaughter the Vuelta on a fractured tibia--let the rest of those wussies stick on a band-aid and quit their whinin'!

Alexander Vinokourov, Anti-Doping Champion: and, the fallout from the Iglinskiy brothers' mutual pops for EPO over at Astana continues, with vigilant team bosses launching a heart-felt internal investigation into how these guys !@#$ed up so badl--uh, strayed from the team's gleaming golden path of righteousness, 'encouraging" the two to meet with the narcs to (carefully!) spill their guts out, and offering their sincerest hopes that UCI will take up the team's offer to meet so they can promise any bul!@#$ it takes to hold on to their World Tour licen--uh, immediately address any concerns these unfortunate and wholly isolated incidents may have raised. I love you Vino--but I still love you better when you just tell anyone who questions you to !@#$ off or you'll start naming names!

Just Breathe (As Long As You Use a Gas Mask): finally, as class-act Tyler Farrar vows to give it his all as farewell thanks to Team "No Lead Out for You!" Garmin as he heads to MTN-Qhubeka next season, complimenti to the organizers of the dying Tour of Beijing, forced to cut a stage short due to crappy polluted air quality. Damn, between the riders getting busted after noshing from the contaminated food supply and the inconvenience of these stupid athletes needing some dumb!@# "oxygen" in order to ride 200 miles a day, it's a wonder this race is continuing next year at all! Oh, wait...

It's Yer Giro d'Italia in Preview, Part Tre: The Sprinters!

Look, generally, I have zero use for sprints at the Giro. But there's a truly obscene 6 or 8 of 'em this year (depending on yer view), and as a result, there's actually some competition. So what to expect? Here's yer guys:

1. Roberto Ferrari. Strengths: Remember that !@#hole who crashed Cav at the 2012 Giro by careening across the entire road and takin' half the rest of the peloton with him? Yep, that's Roberto! He's selfish, unapologetic, and even--if he can knock the other guys off their bikes first--fast enough to win. Minuses: who the !@#$'s gonna do anything to help--hell, not actively hurt--this guy? In bocca al lupo Roberto--if the other squads don't preemptively bushwhack you first! Here, Captain Sportsmanship takes his line:

2. Elia Viviani. Strengths: Italy's hot young sprint hope, he beat Mark Cavendish two times last week at the Tour of Turkey. Weakness: Cav ain't riding the Giro. And just hope Ivan Basso doesn't show Cannondale the legs to pull rank!

3. Alessandro Petacchi: Strengths: with Cav saving his energy for the Tour de France by riding the Amgen EPO Tour of Screw You UCI For Scheduling This Opposite the Giro! California, Petacchi can ride this race for himself. He's got experience, he's got tactics, he loves the race, and he's got incentive at likely his last-ever Giro. Weaknesses: at 40, he's lost some power. But he's still banking wins, so don't count this Fassa Bortolo veteran out!

4. Marcel Kittel: Strengths: let's be honest--it's basically between Kittel, and everyone else. And his hair alone will demoralize half his competitors. Weaknesses: no way is he going to screw the rest of his season sticking it out through the mountains. At least someone else can take the points jersey in Milano!

5. Nacer Bouhanni: Strengths: He's had a great season, but still ain't number one on the watchlist. Really, has anyone been paying attention to FDJ? Weaknesses: there's great, and there's winning-a-sprint-at-a-Grand-Tour great. We'll see!

6. Michael "Bling" Matthews and Ben "Swifty" Swift: Strengths: oh come on, you know it's their nicknames. That, and they do have a kick. Love to see one of 'em take a stage!

7. Tyler Farrar: Strengths: I am convinced, despite all evidence, that the old Tyler's still in there somewhere. Weaknesses: a crap few seasons, and resulting squat for team support. He needs luck, timing, and luck. Forza Tyler!

Well, them's yer thoroughbreds. If I missed anyone, let me know--and boys, watch out for you-know-who!

Team "If We Can't Beat You, We'll Beat You Down"; and, Quit Pickin' On Nairo You Damn Sponsors!

Like a School-room In Summertime--No Class: well, I wasn't planning on an awards show for the Tour de San Luis, but I guess at least one is due for Thugs o' the Race--after one of their boys already sucker-punched the harmless Kenny Dehaes during a sprint, now Team Buenos Aires Provincia's whacked (purely idiotically, but still) poor Tyler Farrar with their team car, leaving Tyler, already screwed for the whole season out of a lead-out by Garmin's new focus on GC, with a pile o' abrasions and some bruised or possibly even busted ribs. Jaysus, guys, you're supposed to win by *out-riding* the competition, not *eliminating* it! What's next, sneakin' in while the mechanics are asleep and slashing the tires? Better not give 'em any ideas, I guess...

San Luis Luis/Whoah-Oh/We Gotta Go!: meantime, as Nairo beats everyone else up the mountain by approximately 6 days 4 hours and 37 minutes, then puts in a bangin' time trial and locks up the GC, our baby superstar is also feeling just a bit beseiged by everyone fighting over whether he's gonna race the Giro or the Tour, which, aside from the relative merits of the arguments and the distinctly unnecessary psychological pressure it must be putting on the boy, at least has the minor benefit of surely driving Grand-Tour-lusting teammate Alejandro Valverde absolutely insane. So leave little Nairo alone everyone--do you *want* him to crack like a walnut before he even decides which leader's jersey he's gonna target? Here, he wraps up the whole show on stage 4:

A Man Down Under: and, despite a very encouraging performance by the Giro-targeting Cadel Evans, congrats to Orica-Greenedge's unbeatable Simon Gerrans for winning his third Tour Down Under, which will henceforth, according to a press release from the riders' association, be known as the "Screw Riding Around In All This Heat For Nothin' Guys, Let's All Go Get a Cold Beer While Simon Takes It Anyway Tour." Way to go Simon--next stop, whoever bothers to race against you at the Sun Tour!

Garmin Gets Its Groove Back!; and, Enter to Win the 2013 Giro d'Italia Racejunkie Win Free Stuff Contest Part Due! #giro

Tyler's Back, Baby!: yes, it was great to see Garmin regroup at the Giro and Ramunas Navardauskas take a smashing--and surely team-cheering--win today. And it was fabulous to finally see Tyler Farrar, after so long a rough patch, look so happy and at home at the finish line again. But even better to me was that, whatever the hell is going on with Ryder Hesjedal--and whether or not he even continues another day at this point--he has, by sticking it this long, really honored the maglia rosa he fought to hard to win in the first place. Auguri Ryder, bravo Navardauskas, sei fortissimo Tyler--and damn, nice save there by Vaughters!

I Toldja, Froomey: and, it's lookin' grimmer'n even yesterday for Chris Froome's Tour de France ambitions, as Brad Wiggins fights off a suckmaster of a chest cold that, if he wants, could also form a hell of an excuse to bail outta the Giro to fire up the ol' engines for July. Dang, can't *anyone* at Sky keep these guys under control for ten minutes--or at least 'til Froome bails for a bazillion dollars somewhere else this summer?

News From The Riccardo Ricco' Utter Lack of Self-Preservation Department: look, I get it. You want to win the Tour de France, or Giro, or Vuelta, or Roubaix. And you'll do almost anything for it. But you are seriously going to allegedly risk developing a giant *tumor* just to be a freakin' last-chance domestique at Lampre?! Please guys--no matter what you're gonna win, or even warm the seats in the team bus for, it's just not that important. Now quit taking all this dangerous crap and please, please stay healthy instead!

Predict the Giro and Win!: yes, it's still Week 2 of our Giro d'Italia Racejunkie Win Free Stuff Contest--predict the Giro here, survive the Holy Once-Eroski Cap o' Destiny, and enjoy the prizes!

Right On, Taylor! Oh !@$, Taylor!

Forget this kid's Secretariat lineage or the fact he's been hyped as the Next Great American Cyclist since he first dropped his diaper-clad butt on a Big Wheel--after a blazing win in the opening time trial, jailbait phenom Taylor Phinney just cemented his fame in his own right for completely keeping his cool (outwardly, anyway) when the Gazzetta commentators started screaming their heads off 8 k from the line and Taylor materialized 38 monstrous seconds behind the rapidly disappearing peloton with a chain-twiddle that seemed to take his poor mechanics forever a subsequent car-window futz with the brakes and, by the end of a chaotic finish that sent bodies flying up the barriers, Cav'd come out of nowhere looking too surprised to even do his normal victory dance and Taylor'd slipped in, cool as a cucumber, right back to the pack and into what seemed like an impossible pink. Now *that* is one collected boy. Complimenti, Taylor--and you're clearly doing something right with 'im, BMC!

Interestingly, Taylor talks about his new pink bike that would soon cause him trouble, just prior to the stage this morning:


Tomorrow: the fateful stage three, and a touching tribute to the late Wouter Weylandt. Go swift and safe, Tyler Farrar--you did it for him at the Tour, so I've no doubt you can do it again for him here!

I Said Get Me a *Double* Espresso, Beeyotch!

I'm Never Gonna Dance Again/ Guilty Feet Have Got No Rhythm: no, Riccardo Ricco didn't dope--his total calamitous organ failure was just a completely random event, sorta like sneezing, or voluntarily jamming a drugged-up syringe into yer scrawny spandex !@--um, sorta like sneezing. And yes, he blames cycling for it instead of himself--so not only does the whole sport make him wanna barf, he's quitting to become a barista. Plenty o' call for them at the start line of a Grand Tour, Riccardo--just watch out some of your former teammates don't toss their scalding ristrettos into your eyeballs! And okay, a barista is actually a bartender, but really, even a hard-core customer can't drink enough bourbon to make this clown bearable. Look, I'm very sorry Ricco' almost killed himself disgracing the legacy of the great Italian trainer Aldo Sassi (and even worse, his undeserved mentor Gilberto Simoni) with a bag o' expired blood, particularly since the oily little gnome actually managed to spawn and nearly left an innocent child behind. And I'm truly glad he's wholly recovered, particularly 'cause it'll give him about 50 years to get over his cowardly ingrained denial and his wussmasterian tendency to run'n'hide behind his fiancee and mama's skirts and go apologize to the clean riders (oh, come on! there's gotta be *some*!) he !@#$ed out of a Grand Tour stage win. Ergo, one last, fond look at our little Cobra in action:
Oops, wrong link!:

All the Race News That Don't Make You Sick: meantime, there's been some pretty high excitement over at Tirreno-Adriatico and Paris-Nice this week, and for my money, aside from Andreas Kloden being allowed to win a race with his ex-boss no longer around to whip 'em (and did anyone tell the great Levi Leipheimer he's free to ride now that he doesn't need to do Lance's laundry anymore?) the most noteworthy is that--and we all know reigning World Champions don't hardly domestique for anybody, whether they've got the legs to win or not--smashingly gracious big lug we love Thor Hushovd deigned to lead out teammate Tyler Farrar for the jersey and stage win. You're great to watch, Tyler, but you better remember this favor on the cobbles at Paris-Roubaix--now get to work with a hammer'n'chisel and start smoothin' 'em out for the man!

Friends In High Places: finally, if uber-narc/Lance nemesis Jeff Novitzky didn't have it hard enough evading hordes of pro-Lance torch-bearing villagers armed with pitchforks and Colt .45s trying to stop the search for truth in its tracks in Armstrong's home digs in Texas, now the man's got a Georgia Congressman on his butt, and to my mind anyway, I'd rather be rolled in tar and feathers and set on fire on some remote ranch somewhere than have to justify myself before a Congressional committee. Pretty good to be the king, Lance--but you still shoulda got Bush on your side before he got pissed crashing on his mountain bike!