Peter Sagan: It's All About the Benjamins (Yeah!)

Pony Up, Tinkov!: so, it seems Oleg Tinkov hasn't *quite* got fan-frenzied babemeister Peter Sagan in the bag just yet: our hero tweeted today his head is "bursting" with thoughts of his future, among them Team Alonso, Astana, *and* Tinkoff-Saxo (Alonso, really?) Translation: pay up, Tinkov, I may have blown the Tour de France but I'm still the hottest man on the market! Oh, Oleg, you shoulda signed 'im when you got the 1000 re-tweets you asked for...

Roman Candle: meantime, after Oleg went on a(nother) twit-rampage over UCI's Kreuziger of poor Roman, his slightly calmer counterpart Stefan Feltrin penned an open letter to the rules-changing scumlords over at UCI, politely blasting new-gen chief Brian Cookson for inconsistency, hypocrisy, and general toolery. Even worse, they're WASTING MONEY PAYING THIS GUY NOT TO RACE, you cash-gouging bastards! Gentlemen and ladies, I think you oughta take this as the raindrop before the hurricane that it is, and free this poor kid to race before Oleg *really* gets pissed. Hell, he's terrifying enough when he's happy--and his boy Alberto's missing the Vuelta, too!

All Hail (No, Really, All Hail) the Peloton: finally, as we love Jens Voigt begins the second-to-last race of his professional career (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!) over at the Tour of Utah--with former Giro champ Ivan Basso and Tour winner Cadel Evans on hand, so a pretty smokin' field all round--the Tour of Poland's decided to beat both the Giro's pathetic snow, sleet, and freezing temps *and* the weakling Vuelta's sunspot immolation by pounding the riders with hail and sending the cold-soaked boys painfully to the tarmac. Wah, wah, you're hit with plunging balls of rock-sized ice, wah--don't you guys know that soccer players play when it SPRINKLES out?! And that sometimes other guys BRUSH INTO THEIR ANKLES?! Quit yer cryin' you babies!

It's Your Olympic Track-Cycling Roundup; And, Back to the Peloton, Baby!

Cruise, Booze, and Lose: yep, it took fabulous Aussie Anna Meares (over the retiring, and extremely still bad-!@#, Victoria Pendleton) to finally break the iron grip of the Brits on cycling gold in the sprint, but there was almost more fun outside the velodrome as Belgian omnium contender Gijs Van Hoecke was tossed out of the Games for partying just a liiittttle too hard apres-track--and really, with all the dope folks've been busted for these Games, *that's* what pisses off the Olympic etiquette narcs?--and the IOC announcing that onetime gold medalist Tyler Hamilton's finally being formally stripped of his medal over his doping admission. Okay, that's fine enough--but much as I like Ekimov, am I the only person thinking that giving the gold to any other one of Lance Armstrong's teammates from back in the day is !@#$in' *insane*? Hell, give it to Alexander Vinokourov or somebody whydontcha? Oh, wait...my bad!

It's the Tour o' Utah, Baby! And Eneco!: meantime, back in the peloton, the boys've divided themselves up quite nicely between the Tour o' Utah and the Eneco Tour, with Vande Velde heading up the pack in Utah after a typically slammin' Garmin time trial, Tom Boonen cannily taking the leader's jersey at Eneco, and, in one of the most nerve-wracking teaser-titles o' the week, Contador Tests...uh, the Cauberg ahead of taking on Chris Froome and Juan Jose Cobo in less'n a fortnight at the Vuelta a Espana. Keep on testing, Alberto--the climbs, that is, the climbs! And here's the dashing Tommeke--maybe he might give Van Hoecke a few tips on partying with a bit more dignity?