Okay, we got the course down, but who's here to contest the race? Well, Nairo Quintana's sure not, via late announcement after first getting the UCI's blessing to start, and the notable silence of Arkea-Samsic which just re-signed him, so he can fight his entirely unwarranted discipline for entirely unintentional Tramadol use at the Tour de France, entirely coincidentally on giant mountain stages where one could reaaaaaallly use its impressive pain-numbing (if not so much its dizzying and nauseating) effects. Good luck with that--but hey, folks've gotten off for a lot worse! *Anyhoo*, there's still lots of solid prospects in the race, even without him and the newly-crowned Tour de France champ. Oh, and I don't know what the hell's been going on with we love Mikel Landa's "muscle injury," but first, the entire planet can !@#$ right off, and second, we still have faith, even if he doesn't, for a podium placing *after* his home stomping-grounds stage win. So who else's on tap for GC? These 'uns!
Primoz Roglic: Yeah, he's injured, and I'm still baffled for the massive amount of !@#$ he took for retiring from the Tour de France after plowing through half a dozen stages and supporting his teammates while *fractured.* That said, he's back on the bike, and uncertain form or not, he is freakin' Rogla, and while I'm honestly dubious about him taking the top top spot and, say, less dubious about Domestique-o'-Death Sepp Kuss getting the go ahead for team leadership, I'm convinced that if he gets through the first week unscathed a top 3 is not outta the question. As usual, I'll be rooting for the biggest losing cause here. Go Rogla!
Richard Carapaz: no, I can't !@#$in' stand 'im. Yes, I can begrudgingly acknowledge he may do very, very well. And also be a wheelsucking sandbagging whinemaster the entire way to Madrid. Ugh, do I *have* the podium ceremony if he's on it?
Remco Evenepoel: Well, Pat Lefevere's already thrown him under the bus, which, though par for the course for the head of the Wolfpack who *just* smacked around World Champ Julian Alaphilippe for heck's sake, means Evenepoel's either wilting already under the weight of diminished expectations, or mentally out to kick his !@#. The high passes'll tell us which one!
Jai Hindley: Count him out if you will--because heck knows the mountain-happy Giro-Vuelta duo is a leg-killer--but he did grab a Grand Tour absolutely no one expected (you either, liar!), and for that alone, we can't count him out. But add sweltering August heat to crushing Basque mountains, and the Vuelta's its own particular kind of delightful (for us) hell (for them). But wouldn't it be nice if he beat expectations?
Joao Almeida: He's young, he's hungry--and he says his legs pretty well suck. But while Covid took him outta the Giro, he did have a pretty stellar comeback to the second spot at the Vuelta a Burgos. Plus, there's a lot being 24 can make up for, particularly if you get the leaders' jersey to give you that little extra oomph. Aw, c'mon, you want him to do well too!
Miguel Angel Lopez: Astana's a freakin' train wreck right now. Oh Vino, I *told* you not to let the Izagirres go!
Simon Yates: last but not least, Captain Yo-yo--who, after all, has bagged this smashing Grand Tour before--is if nothing else gonna give us a spectacularly gut-wrenching show of incredible surges, astonishing stage finishes, and monstrously record-breaking cracks. Cripes, can you just *pick* one already--I'm getting seasick here!
Oh, and for stages, I'd love that wily old codger Alejandro Valverde to take one last win here--and yes, it'll make me feel *dirty.* And yeah, you know I don't want to hear any crap about this--aupa Mikeeeeeeeeeeeeeel!
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