Okay, it's been an action-packed first week 'n' more of the Giro and start to the Classics seasons, about to be run concurrently with the Vuelta, because, well, it's 2020, and the entire cycling world's just been *turned* *on* *its* *head.* So what've we learned, and what's to come? So far, this!
1. Simon Yates. There's no *way* he's gonna be the only positive at this Giro. He's certainly not the only one in cycling, as former racer-now-commentator Jan Bakelandts tests positive for coronavirus, Tiejs Benoot has to quarantine, whole teams have to drop out of the women's races, and hell, three race moto guys just came up positive yesterday. God, does anyone else long for the days when some weird ailment and a subsequent positive test meant something else in cycling entirely?
2. The edit function is *off*, people. I don't know whether it's the !@#$ed up schedule, what would normally be post-season burnout, or a side effect of these super-tight covid team bubbles is just bitchiness, but damn, are riders all-in for the smack talk this year! A frustrated Sagan--who's frustrated he hasn't *won* yet, so projecting, but whatever--invites Demare, who's kicking his !@#, to veer back and forth in the sprint like a drunken sailor, since he's already screwing Sagan anyway. Then, Fuglsang, who had a flat pretty early in a stage, bitterly slags Nibali for, basically, violating the unwritten and only-as-needed peloton etiquette rule of NOT SUCKING AT DESCENDING SO !@#$ YOU JAKOB EXACTLY WHAT SHOULD HE HAVE DONE, pulled over at the hotel at the top of the climb for a mid-stage espresso til you hauled your !@# back up? *Then*, over in Classics land, Wout Van Aert goes off on Van der Poel for being a sabotaging wheel-sucking coward-tactic remora, when, y'know, Mads EARNED HIS WIN. Lest we fail to hear from those who've been there before, Tom Boonen's got a nice big editorial in the newspaper today telling Van Aert to nut up and quit being such a cry-baby. I thought I deeply missed the Simoni smack-talk days, and I do, but it turns out I particularly just miss riders who don't whiningly blow at this invaluable skill. Cripes, who *knows* what they'll start saying when there's one measly sprint left up for grabs and the GC *really* starts shaping up?
3. HOLY CRAP IT'S FINALLY THE FIRST-EVER WOMEN'S PARIS-ROUBAIX, WE NEVER THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD C--oh, !@#$ !
4. Who *wasn't* freaking out along with Alex Dowsett when he time-trialed himself to an uphill stage win? *And* he had the presence of mind to plug (rightly) for a new contract, to boot!
5. Anna van der Breggen. She's now won 86 consecutive Fleche-Wallones, 14 world championships, the Giro, and 3 contests for Homecoming Queen in extremely competitive Texas high schools this year alone. Not bad for a 4-day season, amirite?
6. What the !@#$ do you mean Mikel Landa can't ride the Vuelta because he's still hurt from the freakin' Dauphine? This is all your fault, Movi--I mean, Bahrain-Maclaren!
7. EF's new flaming psychedelic cartoon duck kit, while a garish insult to innocent eyeballs everywhere, sure seems to be working this Giro. Haven't they already got about 3 stages so far? Maybe trying to ride away from those graphics does the trick! More, you can have your own piece of vicious sartorial warfare for a mere 600 euros a pop on eBay. That's what they'll give you to buy that, right?
8. New World Champ Alaphilippe's premature celebrations. Almost twice in one week, no less! Oh, he's still punch-drunk from the rainbow stripes, tough to fault the boy *too* much...
9. Cav. Never a huge fan, primarily because he had that whole arrogant sprinter ass-face thing down for years, and no, I've never forgiven him for dismissing we love Andre Greipel as just winning "shit races," but can we forgive the guy a few tears already and admire his career before we start harping on how much he sucks as he naturally ages out of full power? Let 'im at least see if he can score a gig for one more year!
10. Ineos. First, ew. Second, is *anyone* surprised at this sordid !@#$show, except for maybe how much testosterone you need to buy to perk up one set of nuts--because *that's* what your DS would be concerned about, if *their* livelihood depended on some cyclist's ability to win?
11. Sure, there's snow, but lookin' relatively good for the Stelvio, kids--assuming the race still manages to make it that far!
All right, aside from some additional verbal attacks between Nibs and Fuglsang this morning, I think I've covered the basics. On to Stage 10 and its occasional, leg-lovin' 24% gradients--and Sagan, you can't blame Demare a *fourth* time!
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment